822. I aent never [dun that]
823. I alwaes du mi hardest werk b4 brakefast
wot du yu du?
get outta bed
824. I am...
1. I am a simple man with simple taste
2. I am as lonesome as a polekat
3. I am eezeely satisfied with the very best (W Churchil)
4. I am going tu jerk a not in yer tael
5. I am going tu paint the town red
6. I am going tu slap yu tu the bak side av noweer
7. I am just needling yu
8. I am not a glutton...I am a food xplorer (Erma Bombek)
9. I am off like a old dirty shirt
10. I am redee tu meet mi maker.
Dont no if him kan take meeting me (Winston Churchil)
825. I avoid temptashun sept wen I kant rezist (Mae West)
826. I didnt...
1. I didnt fael, I found 10,000 waes that dont werk (Tom Edisun)
2. I didnt fall off a ternup truk
3. I didnt like the koler av his munee
4. I didnt pull yer chain
5. I didnt sleep a wink (Shakespeer)
827. I dont...
1. I dont drink kauz I wanna no wen I hav a good time (Ladee Astor)
2. I dont hafta look up mi famlee tree, I no im a sap (Fred Allen)
3. I dont giv a tinkers damn
4. I dont kare if it harelips jorjya
5. I dont look bizee kauz I did it rite the first time
6. I dont make jokes, me just watch guvt & tell (Will Rogers)
7. I dont no him from Adam
8. I dont no if god is on our side. Mi konsern is tu be on gods side (Abe Linkoln)
9. I dont no nuthan bout muzeek. N mi line, yu dont hafta. (Evis Preslee)
10. I dont so with a fork, so I dont eet with needels [chopstiks](Miss Piggy)
828. I dubel dog dare yu
829. I feel...
1. i feel for yu but I just kant reach yu
2. i feel it in mi bones
3. i feel like a rung out old rag thrown out with the wash water
4. I feel like an old rag, rung out & throed out with the wash water
5. i feel like giving up the ghost
6. i feel like warmed over death
7. I fli kauz it relees mi mind from the teeranee
av pettee thangs (Antoinede Saint-Exupery)
830. I h...
1. I had no shues & komplaened til I met a man with no feet
2. I hate quotes. Tell me wot yu no (Ralf W Emersun)
831. I hav...
1. I hav had a wunderful time, but this dont be it (Grocho Marx)
b. hav had a perfektly luvlee evening, but this is not it
2. I hav not slept one wink
3. I hav nothing tu offer but blood toil tears and sweat
4. I hav nuff munee tu last me the rest av me life,
unless me bi sumthang (Hanna Grae)
5. I hav other fish tu fri
6. I havnt sleeped for daes
wi not?
I sleep at nite
832. I herd it on the grapevine
833. I kame, I seed, I konkered (Juleeus Seesar, 33bc)
834. I kant...
1. I kant beleev me ate the hole thang (alka seltzer kommershal)
2. I kant dans & the feelds tu wet tu plow...slang for "nuthan tu du"
3. I kant die now, im booked (Jorj Berns)
4. I kant make hed or taels av it
835. I kood...
1. I kood take a kotton tu yu
2. I kried bekauz I had no shues til I seed a man with no feet
836. I laff...
1. I laffed til I kried
2. I like pigs. Dogs look up at us.
Kats look down on us. Pigs treet us as equals (W. Churchil)
837. I mae...
1. I mae be tall but I sure am short
2. I mite as well, I kant dans
3. I must follo the masses kauz I am theer leeder (Ben Disraeli)
838. I need that like a hole in the hed...slang for dont want it
839. I never...
1. I never forget a faes, but in yer kase, Ill make a sepshun (Groucho Marx)
2. I never found a kompanyun as good as solitude (Henree Thoro)
3. I never let mi skuelin interfer with mi lernin (Mark Twain)
4. I never made a mistake I koodnt splaen awae after (Rudyard Kipling)
840. I o...
1. I oe, i oe, so its off tu werk me go
2. I oft regret wot I sae, never mi silens. (Zenokrates)
841. I p...
1. I plan tu liv forever. So far, so good.
2. I plan tu liv forever, or die triing (Groucho Marx)
3. I prefer tu liv thru it. If I dont, I kan liv with that (kan aksept it)
842. I rather see em shake than rattle
843. I s...
1. I see spots b4 mi ies
did yu see a dokter?
no, just spots.
2. I seed better lookin bodees in a junk yard
3. I shall retern (McArthur)
4. I smell a rat (smell rot, treesum, or a ratfink)
5. I spend half mi time watching TV. The other half looking for the remote.
6. I spi with mi little ies
7. I started with nuthang & still hav most av it (Mike Davis)
8. I sweer forever hostility tu evree form av tyrany (Tom Jeffersun)
844. I thank...
1. I thank, thus I be (Dekartes)
2. I thank I will never see a poem as luvlee as a tree (Joys Kilmer)
3. I thank, thus I thank me be
845. I took the roed less traveled (Robert Frost, 1916)
846. I walk slo but never backward (Abe Linkoln)
847. I was...
1. I was born in a bed with a woman. Boy was me sprized (Wilsun Mizner)
2. I was born in Iowa, but kant speek for mi twin sister (Abigael Van Byuren)
3. I was kleening mi slingshot & it went off (Boy hu broke windo)
4. I was Sno Wite, but I drifted (Mae West)
5. I wasnt born on a Christmas tree
6. I wasnt born yesterdae
848. I wash (etc)...
1. I wash mi hands av the hole Biz. Wile yer at it, wash yer nek (Grocho Marx)
2. I wasted time, now time waest me (shakespeer)
3. I weer mi hart on mi sleev
849. I wish the buk wood stop heer, I kan yuze it
850. I won it faer & squaer
851. I wont take no for an answer
852. I wood...
1. I wood kill for the Nobel pees prize
2. I wood rather see em shake than rattle
3. I wood rather take a beeting
853. I woodnt...
1. I woodnt giv yu a plug nikkel
2. I woodnt giv yu 2 bits for his opinion
3. I woodnt tuch that with a 10 ft pole
4. I woodnt trust him as far as I kood throw him
5. I woodnt want tu be in his shoes
854. I worship the quiksand him walk in (Art Buchwald)
855. Idea... (ideea)
1. Dont werree sumwon will steel yer idea
If it iz original, yull hafta ram it down theer throet (Howard Aiken)
2. half-baked ideea is ok if its in the oven
3. I had an idea, but it got awae
4. Idea die in sum heds kauz it kant take solitary konfinement
5. Ideea dont be responsabel for em hu expound onit (Don Marquis)
b. idea not responsabel for its beleevers
6. Ideea not responsabel for em hu beleev it
7. Ideeas pull the trigger, instinkt loed the gun (Don Marquis)
8. Ideeas R more powerful than guns
we dont let folks hav guns
so we dont let em get ideeas (Joe Stalin)
9. if its werth having wons, its werth duit agin (Tom Stoppard)
10. lak av munee is not the problem, lak av ideas is (Ken Hakuta)
11. Tri sumthang. If it dont werk, tri sumthang els (Jim Hitower)
12. tu sae all ideas hav equal merit is same as all hav no merit (Karl Sagan)
13. Yu mae repel an armee, but not an idea huz time hav kum (Vikter Hugo)
[sept in Red China]
14. Wen ideas fael, werds R handee (Jon W. Goeth)
856. Ideel... (ideals in krateez)
1. ideelism inkreez bi distans from the prob (Jon Galswerthy)
2. ideelist...roses smell better than kabaej
thus roses make better suep (Henree L Menchen)
3. ideels demand human sakrafies (Jorj B Shaw)
4. ideels preseed speereens, sinik follo (David T Wolf)
5. if yu wanna be happy, forget yer ideels (Jon O Hobbe)
857. i-del... [dont du nuthang] ("idleness" in krat speek)
1. all mans trubel is kauz him dont no how tu sit still (Blaes Paskal, 1670)
2. hardest werk is tu be idel (Yiddish)
3. Idel & lak av a job drag yu tu evil (Hippokrates, 400bc)
4. Idel hands are the Devil's werkshop
5. Idel is a kers that tarnish all (Voltaer)
6. Idel is the soers av all krime (Walter G Shotwell)
7. Idel is the start av all sin
8. Idel is the start av all vies (or the door tu vies) (Proverbs)
9. Idel mae drive yu mad (Tom Jeffersun, 1787)
10. Idle man kant rest kauz him dont ern it (Jon Lubbok)
11. Idle mind is the Devil's playground
12. idelness & pride tax heveeer than kings & parliaments (Ben Franklin)
13. it is fun tu be idel if yu hav a lotta werk yu dont du(Jerome Jerome)
14. sit & thank is not idel (Vikter Hugo)
15. the problem with du-nuthang, yu dont no wen yer dun.
858. idelness is the devils werkshop
859. idiot...
1. 100% amerikan=99% idiot (Jorj B Shaw)
2. demokrasee is idiotik & thus amusing, so I like it (H L Menchen, 1950)
3. demokrasee sae jeenyus & idiot R equal.
But I draw the line wen em sae 2 idiots > 1 jeenyus. (Leo Silard)
4. elektronik villaej & all the villaej idiots get on (Peter Nelsun)
5. evreewon make mistakes. Idiot keep duing the same thang (Cicero)
6. fine line tween fishing & stand on shore like an idiot (Steev Rite)
7. god made idiot as praktis. Then him made skuel bord (Mark Twaen)
8. god protekt babees & idiots (or fools)
9. golf koers seprate the idel & idiots from us (Osbert Sitwell)
idiot
10. good luzer=idiot (Leo Durocher)
11. I dont want an uptern, I want mi idiotik kompetiters tu go broke (Joe Bamford)
12. idiokrasee=ruled bi idiots [same as krats]
13. Idiot invented the weel. Gie hu invented the other 3 is the jeenyus (Sid Seesar)
14. Im not a kompleet idiot...sum parts R missing
15. in Paris, em staered wen I spoke tu em in French
Me never got em idiots tu understand theer tung (Mark Twain)
16. inshuer kumpanee denied a klaem & sed
"yer an idiot & thats a pre-existing kondishun"
17. life is a tale told bi a idiot, full av sound & fury, meen nuthang
(Makbeth...Shakespeer, 1600)
b. its a tale told bi an idiot....
18. man is a jeenyus. Many men tugether is a brute & idiot (Charlee Chaplin)
19. men R lunatiks, wemen R idiots (Rebekka West, 1960)
idiot
20. NE-1 hu drive sloer than yu is a idiot
NE that drive faster is a Maeneeak (Jorj Karlin)
21. NE faemus idiot kan get laed. Its eezee.
If not faemus, it take talent (Kevin Bakon, 1996)
22. programmers tri tu make idiot-proof kode, but the idiots R wae ahed.
23. suppose yer an idiot & suppose yer a kongresman. Woops me repeet. (Mark Twaen)
24. the villaej kalled...em want theer idiot bak.
25. wen yu left home, yu deprived em av the villaej idiot
26. wot du yu take me for? an idiot? (Charles deGaul)
27. "yuzer"=wot puter "professhunals" yuze wen em meen "idiot" (Dave Barry)
860. ie... ("eye" in superkrat)
1. an ie fer an ie & the werld go blind (Gandee)
2. bitter tu look at happyness with other mans ies (Shakespeer)
3. blind in 1 ie & kant see out the other
4. byutee is in the ie av the beholder
5. daring ies tell downrite lies (Jon Lavater, 1780)
6. dont pull the wool over mi ies
7. eezeeer for a kamel tu go thru the ie av a needel than for a rich man gotu heven
8. I hav the ies av a ded pig (Marlon Brando)
9. ies be the windo tu the sole ("soul" in superkrat)
ie
10. ies like a hawk
11. ies see evreethang but themselves
12. ies see oenlee wot the braen kan understand (Robert Davees)
13. ies sho the sole (Ralf W Emersun, 1880)
14. If I was blind I wood not want fine klothes & hous (Ben Franklin)
15. If karrots R good for the ies, wi R theer so many ded rabits on the roed?
16. if the ies didnt see, the hands woodnt take [komment on theef]
17. in mi minds ie
18. Keep yer ie on the donut, not on the hole
19. Keep yer ies open b4 marriage and half shut afterward (Ben Franklin)
ie
20. Keep yer ies peeled
21. man dont hav small ies kauz him not a fli(Alex Pope, 1730)
22. more than meet the ie
23. no ie on a letter, no hand in a pers, no eer tu a sekret (Ben Franklin)
24. pull the wool over yer ies [blindfolded, blind mind]
25. sumtimes the hart see wot the ie kant (H Jaksun Brown)
26. tern a blind ie (pretend yu did not see it)
27. The ie is the mirrer av the sole
28. The ies av a master werk more than his hands (Ben Franklin)
29. The ies R not responsabel for wot the mind see (Syrus, 100ad)
ie
30. The ies R the sentinel in the top part av the body (Cicero, 50bc)
31. The ies R the windo av the sole (English)
32. the path from the ie tu the hart dont go thru the braen (Gilbert Chestertun, 1900)
33. Trust yer ies, not yer eers (Jerman)
34. twinkling av an ie
35. we beleev our ies more than our eers (Horaes, 10bc)
36. week ies R fond av glitter (Tom Karliel, 1870)
37. wot the ie dont like, the hart dont want
861. ies... ("ice" in krat speek)
1. if the ies kaps melt, see level will rise
ot-o, nuther liquidity krisis
2. yu want ies water? Eet an onion, that'll make yer ies water (Grocho Marx)
862 ********** if ************
1. if 1 werd dont werk, 10,000 probablee wont eether
2. if 2 rongs dont make 1 rite, tri 3 (Lawrens J Peter)
3. if a blak kat kross yer path, yu will hav bad luk (superstishun)
4. if a halo fall a fyu inches, its a nues (Jeen Fontaen)
5. if a littel nawledj is danjerus,
how much duit take tu get outta danger? (Tom Huxlee, 1870)
6. if a man, alone in a forest, speek & no woman heer, is him still rong?
7. if a man dont keep paes with yu, maby him listen tu a dif drummer (Henree Thoro)
8. if a man got half his wishes, him get dubel the trubel (Ben Franklin)
9. if a man is a man, thats as bad as yu kan be (Mark Twaen)
if
10. If a man tell yu him kan gro corn look in his krib
11. if a milyun folks sae a foolish saeing, it is stil foolish (Anatole Frans)
12. if a rooster lae an aeg on top av "A" roof, wich side will it rool down?
anser...neether, rooster dont lae aegs
13. if a thang is werth duing, it is werth duing slo...very slo (Gipsee Rose Lee)
14. if a vegatarian eet veggees, wot du a humanitarian eet?
15. if a wolf kam tu mi hous, him wood hafta bring his lunch
16. ifs and buts dont butter bred
863 ********** if all ************
1. if all els fael, manipulate the data
2. if all hu fall alseep in cherch was laed end tu end, em wood be more kumfortabel
3. if all pull in the same direkshun, the werld wood tip over (Yiddish)
4. if all the ekonomists was laed end tu end, em wood not reech a konklude
5. if all the girls at a yale prom
was laed end tu end, me not sprized (Dorthee Parket)
6. if all the werld is a staej, weer du the audeeans go?
7. if all the xperts was laed end-tu-end, em wood not reech a konklude (Henree Ford)
864 ********** if at first yu dont sukseed ************
1. tri tri agin (original)
2. ask sumwon for help
3. blame it on sumwon els
4. cheet, repeet til em katch yu, then lie boutit
5. destroy the evidens
b. destroy all evidens yu tried
6. dont look so sprized
7. dont take up skidiving
8. giv up (Homer Simpsun)
9. hide yer sprize
10. look in trash kan for direkshuns
11. perhaps its not yer stile (Quentin Krisp)
12. redefine sukses
13. see if the luzer get sumthang
14. thro awae the manual [from old daes wen thangs kame with "instrukshuns"]
15. tri agin*5, then giv up
16. tri anuther beer
17. tri tri agin, then giv up. no sens tu be a dam fool bout it (W C Feelds)
18. tri tu hide the evidens
19. wi bother?
20. yer averaej (M H Andersun)
21. yu will get a lotta unwanted advise
865 ********** if b ************
1. if baddest kum tu baddest,...
2. if Barbee is so popular, we du we hafta bi her freends?
3. If braens was lard, yers kant grees a good size skillet
4. if chaenj is konstant, then stability is si-kotik=madness (Peter Jager)
866 ********** if e ************
1. If em thretened me with hard werk, I mite stop [smoking] (Minon Mclaughlin, 1966)
2. if evil dont kum, our feers R in vaen.
If it kum, feer inkerees the paen (Ben Franklin)
3. if evreethang kum yer wae, yer in the rong lane
4. if evreewon sae foolish stuff, its still foolish (Berstrand Russel)
5. if folks understand eech other, em will never agree (Charles Baudelare)
6. if forchun smile, hu dont? If it dont, hu du? (Chineez)
867 ********** if g ************
1. if god did not be, we wood hafta invent him (Voltare)
2. if god did not forgiv, heven wood be emptee (Jerman)
3. if god is yer kopilot, swap seets
4. if guns kill, pens misspel
5. If him bi akseedent told yu the truth, him wood come bak and apologize
6. if him had a braen, him wood be danjerus
7. if him sae him kan gro korn, look in his krib
8. if him sae him will meet yu halfwae, him a poor judj av distans
9. if him tell true, him will kum bak and apolagize
10. if histree was the hart av make munee,
richest folk wood be librarians (Warren Buffet)
868 ********** if i ************
1. If I am not for me, hu will? (Pirk Avoth)
2. If I had a braen, me wood be danjerus
3. if I had a katchee quip, it wood be heer
4. if I had mi druthers,...
5. if I had tu chuez, I prefer nuzpapers over guvt (Tom Jeffersun)
6. if I keep mi character, me be rich (Plutonius)
7. if I noed wot I was duin, it wood not be reserch (A Einstein)
8. if I noed yu was kummin, I wooda baked a kake
9. If I sae it 3 times, its true
10. If I see yu smoking, I assume yer on fire & will water yu (Doug Adams)
11. if I told yu wons, me told yu 1000 times
12. if I walked on water, the nuzpaper wood sae me kant swim (L B Jonsun)
13. if I was 2-faesed, wood me weer this won? (Abe Linkoln)
14. if I was more humbel, I wood be perfekt (Ted Terner)
15. If I was on mi wae tu hell with a kar loed av ies it wood kum a freeze
16. If ifs was gifts, evreedae wood be Kristmas (Carles Barklee)
17. if ignorant is blis, wi isnt evreewon happy?
869. ********** if it ************
1. if it aent broke, dont fix it
2. if it dont bother NE-1, let it be
3. if it dont kill us, it make us stronger (Freedrich Nietzsh)
4. if it dont werk, tri sumthang els
5. if it enrich us NE-weer sept the wallet, its nonekonomik (Russel Baker)
6. if it happened, it must be possabel
7. if it is a free kuntree, wi du we hafta pae so many bills?
8. if it is brite & kleer on nu yeer's eev, next yeer is neer
9. if it is free, dont bi it (Alan Barius)
ifit
10. if it is free, it is not werth the pries
11. if it is free, it kost tu much (Jeen Anouith, 1950)
12. if it is fun, its nonmoral, nonlegal, &/or fatening
13. if it is green its biology
stings, kemistree
hav numbers, math
if it dont werk, teknology.
14. if it's not 1 thang, its anuther
15. if it is tu dum tu sae, sing it insted (Voltair)
16. if it look like a duk, walk like a duk, quak like a duk, its a duk
17. if it look tu good tu be true, dont tuch it with a 10 ft pole
18. if it look tu good tu be true, it probablee iz
19. if it raen, it pore
870. if j...
1. if Jak is in luv, him not a judj av jil (Ben Franklin)
2. if kisses was like the fun in bed
the woman anuther wood wed (Shakespeer)
3. If laws kood speek, em wood komplaen bout lawyers (Ed Halifax, 1920)
4. If lektrik kum from lektrons, du morality kum from morons?...yes
4. if life giv yu lemons, make lemonaed
5. if life was faer, Elvis wood be alive & all the inpersonaters ded (Jonny Karsun)
6. if life was gaejed bi deeds, most wood die at birth (A P Gouthee)
7. if luv is blind, wi is lawnjerrae so popular?
8. if luv is the anser, refraze the quesshun (Lily Tomlin)
9. if man was ment tu fli, him wood be born with wings.
so it iz dum, but yukan chukel over it NE-wae.
10. If musik was food av luv, plae on
11. if Noah was wise, him wood hav swatted the flies (Helen Kastel)
871. ********** if not ************
1. If not for bad folks, woodnt hav good lawyers (Charles Dikens, 1850)
2. if not for Edisun, we wood watch TV bi kandellite (Al boliska)
3. if not for elektrisitee, we wood watch TV bi kandellite (Jorj Gobel)
4. If not for hope, the hart wood brake (Tom fuller, 1650)
5. if not for intellectual snobs,
art wood die with its starving akters (Aldous Huxlee)
6. if not for marriaej, men & wemen wood hafta fite with strangers.
7. if not for rules, how kan yu brake em? (Leo Durocher)
8. if not for the fridj & TV so far apart, most wood not get NE xersize (Joee Adams)
9. if not for the last minut, I'd never get NE-thang dun
if not
10. if not for the olives in his drinks, him wood starv (Milton Berl)
11. if not for war, this war wood suit me (Dorothy Saers, 1940)
12. If not for wemen, all the $ in the werld dont hav NE meening (Aristotel Onasis)
13. if not for winter, spring wood not be as grate (Ann Bradstreet, 1650)
14. if not now, wen?
15. If yu find a good wife, yu will be happy
If not, yu bekum a filosofer (Sokrotes)
16. most kan sukseed in small thangs
if not trubeled bi ambishuns (Henree Longfello, 1880)
17. politiks...yu R good if not a kriminal,
wise if not redikulus (Frank M Kolby, 1900)
18. risk is faelyuer-prone. If not it wood be shuer-thang. (Tim McMahon)
19. sum sae man kant be trusted tu guvern self. If not, hu? (Tom Jeffersun)
20. travel brodden yer ass if not yer mind (Ernest Hemingwae, 1940)
872. ********** if o ************
1. if oenlee I kood be respekted without being respektabel
2. if oenlee kloesed mind kum with kloesed mouth
3. if oenlee yu kood brake bad habits
as eezee as yu brake harts (Christofer Spranger)
4. if oenlee yu kood get the glo av good deeds without du NE-thang
5. if opportunitee dont nok, bild a door (Milton Berl)
6. if paen kood kyuer yu, we wood all hav ben saved long ago (Jorj Santayana)
7. if passhun drive, let reesun hold the raens (Ben Franklin)
8. if polikan kill his mother, all polikans sae em ginst Matriside (Meg Greenfeeld)
873. ********** if she ************
1. if she gossips tu yu, her will gossip bout yu
2. if skuels teech sex like math & siens,
the raes will die out in Amerika (Beverlee Mikkins)
3. if sumthang is good, yuzeful, & cheep, em will stop make it tumoro
if all 3, em will stop yesterdae (Mignon McLaughlin, 1960)
4. if sumthang is outta wak, how much wak will it take tu fix it?
5. if sumthang is werth duing, its werth duit slo, very slo (Gipsee Rose Lee)
6. if sumthang kan be a paen-in-the ass, it will
7. if sumthang kan go rong, it will (Murfees rule)
8. if sumwon slander yu, liv so nowon beleev him (Plato)
9. if sumwon take yer time, it is a debt nowon kan repae.
874. ********** if thangs ************
1. If thangs go rong, dont go with em (Roger Babson)
2. If thangs look good, yu overlooked sumthang
3. if thangs R bad, itll chaenj. If good, that tu (Jon Simon)
4. if that dont beet all
5. If that dont beet the band
6. If that kid dont leev home I'm gonna break his plate
875. ********** if the ************
1. if the blind leed the blind, both end up in a ditch (Mathhu)
2. if the deel iz so louzee even a dokter wont bite, take it tu a dentist
[refer tu dokters as prime targets for kon men hu sell "investments"]
3. if the fans dont kum, we kant stop em (Yogi Berra)
4. if the farmer lae on the floor, the food was not fresh
5. if the fone dont ring, its me (Jim Buffet)
6. if the ies didnt see, the hands woodnt take (komment on theef)
7. if the lite is timed for 35mph, its also timed for 70
8. if the oenlee tool yu hav is a hammer, treet evree problem like it is a nael
9. if the rich kood hire others tu die for em, the poor kood make a nies living
10. if the shue dont fit, du we hafta chaenj our foot? (Gloria Steinman)
11. if the shue fit, weer it
12. if the ski is the limit, is spaes over the limit?
13. if the sun is a star, wi kant me see it at nite?
14. if the vote chaenjed NE-thang, em wood make it illegal (Emma Goldman)
15. if the werld didnt suk, we wood fall off
16. if theer is no wind, roe
17. if theer was a tek solushun tu all problems, engineers wood get the girl.
876 if tudae wont get better, maby yesterdae will
877. ********** if we ************
1. if we didnt hav faults, koodnt make fun av others (Fransis Rochefoukald)
2. if we did not hav winter, spring wood not be as good
3. if we dont vote, will em go awae?
4. if we du wot need-be, the odds R in our faver (Henree Kissinger)
5. if we kant fix it, it aent broke
6. if we kood be yung 2 times & old 2 times, we kood fix our mistakes (Euripides)
7. if we R not spoezed tu eet animals, wi R em made av meet?
8. if we wasnt so interested in self,
life wood be so dull we kant take it (Arthur Shopenhower)
9. if werk was good for yu, the rich wood not leev NE for the poor
878. ********** if wish ************
1. if wishes was fishes, we wood hav a fish fri
2. If wishes was for shuer we wood all be rich
3. if wishes was hoerses, beggars wood ride (James Haliwell)
4. If worse kum tu baddest
879. **********. if yer ************
1. if yer 1 in a milyun, theer R 6000 just like yu
2. if yer ad budget is big nuff, yu kan fool all folks (Ed Rollins)
3. if yer afraed tu be lonelee, dont wed (Anton Chekhov, 1900)
4. if yer alone, I'll be yer shado
5. if yer boet kum in, the IRS is theer tu help yu unloed
6. If yer ded, yu lost portant part av yer life (Brook Sheelds)
7. if yer faemus, banal pass for wit (Alex Chase)
8. if yer feelings R waested on werds, akt on em (Florens Nitengale, 1877)
9. if yer foe kommit suiside, let it be (stae outta the wae)
if yer
10. If yer gonna kill time, werk it tu deth
11. if yer gonna want, want big
12. if yer good, thats dif nuff (Arthur Freed)
13. if yer happy, yer not a faelyuer (Will Fether)
14. if yer happy, yer suksesful
15. if yer happy with wot yu hav, yer rich
16. if yer hart is poor, yer welth is uglee (Ralf W Emersun)
17. if yer hed get tu big, it will brake yer nek (Elvis P)
18. if yer hed is wax, dont walk in the sun (Ben Franklin)
19. if yer hous hav glas windoes, dont thro roks at naber (Ben Franklin)
if yer
20. if yer hungree nuff, yull eet NE-thang
21 If yer husband & a lawyer R bout tu drown,
du yu gotu lunch or a muvee?
22. if yer in a hole, stop digging
23. if yer in a saddel, the time is not waested (W Churchil)
24. if yer ies hert aft yu drink koffee, take out spoon from kup (Norm Krosbee)
25. if yer in the dark, yu kan lern tu liv in the lite
26. if yer kontent, yu wont get noweer (Luis LAmor, 1940)
27. if yer kontent, yer rich (Lao-tzu, 600 bc)
28. if yer miserabel, get happy (Sintheea Nelms)
29. if yer not greedee, the ekonomee will kollaps (Mignon McLaughlin, 1966)
if yer
30. if yer not interested, its not interesting(Helen Makinnes)
31. if yer not jelus, yer not in luv (St Augustine)
32. if yer not klever, yu shood be konsilatory (Ben Disraeli)
33. if yer not konfuzed, yu dont pae atenshun (not awake, dae dreem)
34. if yer not kontent with wot yu hav, yu wont be with wot yu want (Sokrates)
35. if yer not kontent with wot yu hav,
yu wood not be kontent if yu got wot yu want (Sokrates, 400bc)
36. if yer not part av the solushun, yer the presipatate
37. if yer not part av the solushun, yer the problem
38. if yer not virchus, yu tern vishus (Christian Bonee, 1860)
39. if yer oenlee tool is a hammer, evree problem look like a nael (Abe Masloe)
if yer
40. if yer on the rite trak, yu'll get run over if yu just sit theer (Will Rogers)
41. if yer outgo exseed yer inkum, yer upkeep will be yer downfall
42. If yer parents didnt hav kids, yu wont eether (Dik Kavet)
43. if yer projekt dont werk, tri plan B
44. if yer projekt dont werk, tri sumthang els
45. if yer riches R yers, wi kant yu take em with yu wen yu die? (Ben Franklin)
46. if yer rite 90% av the time, dont quibbel bout the other 3%
47. if yer rong, admit it. If yer rite, shut up (Ogden Nash, 1950)
48. if yer sensabel, yu kant duit (Douglas Yates)
49. if yer spozed tu du sumthang els, yu kan du a lotta werk (Robert Benchlee, 1930)
if yer
50. if yer stomak is full, dont matter if rich or poor (Euripides, 450ad)
51. if yer theer b4 its over, yer on time (James Walker)
52. if yer waffels R rinkeled, yuze waffel iron on em
53. if yer werk speek for self, dont interrupt (Henree Kaiser)
880 ************. if yu *********
1. if yu advertise rite & budget nuff $
yu kan fool all the folks all the time (Joe Levine)
2. aem at nuthang, yu will hit it evree time
3. alwaes duit that wae, its rong (Charles Kettering, 1910)
4. appli a murfee law, it wont appli in this kase
5. beleev, yu dont need proof. If yu dont, no proof is possabel
6. beleev evreethang yu reed, dont reed
7. beleev yer dreems=yu sleep yer life awae (Chineez)
8. bi stuff yu dont need, yu will suen hafta sell stuff yu du need (Filipino)
9. bi stuff yu dont need, yu steel from self (Sweden)
if yu
10. boest av yer ansesters, yu praes others (Seneka, 50ad)
11. brake yer leg, dont kum running tu me
12. carry the torch av truth thru a krowd, sum get sinjed(Joshua Bruyn)
13. chaenj yer mind, 90% av the time the first wae was rite
14 chase 2 rabbits, yu dont katch 1 (Rusya)
15 chase hapeeness, yu kant katch it
if yu sit still, it land in yer lap (Nat Hawthorn) [it=happy]
16. chek evree nu diet that kum out, yuno french fries R out (Jeen Ker)
17. chuez tu not deside, yu desided (Rush)
18. deni others freedum, yu dont dezerv tu be free (Abe Linkoln)
19. depend on another man's table, yu eet late (Italy)
if yu
20. did yer best, its no disgraes tu luze (Jim Palmer)
21. didnt no how old yu R, how old wood yu be? (Satchel Paej)
22. didnt tri so hard tu be happy, yu kood hav a good time (Edith Warton)
23. die, i'll kill yu
24. die, yu luze a portant part av yer life (Brook Sheelds)
25. dont ake in evree joint, yer ded (Tom Mein)
26. dont ask, yu dont get (Gandi)
27. dont bend, yull brake
28. dont chaenj direkshun, yu mae end up weer yu hed (Chineez)
29. dont chaenj em bi dezine, thangs get badder bi self(Fransis Bakon)
if yu
30. dont chaenj, yu dont gro (Gael Sheehy)
31. dont chaenj yer mind, wi hav it? (Ed deBono)
32. dont du gooder, yu go bakward (Jefree Hiksun)
33. dont du politiks, it will du yu in
34. dont faes fakts, em stab yu in the bak
35. dont feer deth, yu oenlee die 1 time (Giovanni Falkone)
36. dont get a lawyer hu no law, get 1 that no the judj
37. dont get wot yu want, thank av all
the thangs yu didnt want & didnt get (Oskar Wild)
38. dont get wot yu want, yu bargined 2 hard over the pries (Rudyard Kipling)
39. dont go fishing, yu dont katch fish
if yu
40. dont gro strate wen yung, yu never will
41. dont hav a skrudriver, yu wont see the skrues (or the luse skrues)
42. dont hav charity in yer hart, yu hav hart problems (Bob Hope)
43. dont hav good memree, dont take up lieing as yer trade (Mike deMontaigne)
44. dont hav it, a penee is a lotta munee
45. if yu dont hav munee, the problem is food
if yu hav munee, the problem is sex
wen yu hav both, the problem is helth
if yu hav it all, yer still skared av deth (J P Donlevee)
46. dont hav nuthan nies tu sae bout NE-won,
kum sit next tu me (&talk) (Alis Roosevelt)
47. dont hav problems on the job, it is a hobby (Ronald Dun)
48. dont hav skrupels, yer munee quadrupels (Ogden Nash)
49. dont hav sumthang nies tu sae bout sumwon...
1. dont sae nuthang (original)
2. kum sit beside me (Elanore Roosevelt)
3. start a blog (modern)
if yu
50. dont hav wot yu like, yu gotta like wot yu hav (French)
51. dont heer (or heed) reesun, she will rap yu on the nukels (Ben Franklin)
52. dont kare weer yu R, yer not lost
53. dont katch kommon sens bi 30, yu never will
54. dont kontrol self, it kontrol yu (Napoleon Hill, 1960)
55. dont kontrol yer mind, sumwon els will (Jon Allston)
56. dont kum tu mi funeral, I wont go tu yers (Yogi Berra)
57. dont laff, the dae is lost (French)
58. dont laff, yu go mad (Jim Buffet)
59. dont like it, chaenj it.
if yu kant, chaenj how yu look at it. (Mary Engelbreit)
if yu
60. dont like it, yu wont sukseed (Napoleon Hill, 1960)
61. dont like tu werk, yu gotta werk tu make nuff munee
so yu dont hafta werk (Ogden Nash)
62. dont listen tu reesun, her will rap yu on the nukels (Ben Franklin)
63. dont make thangs happen, thangs will happen tu yu
64. dont milk everydae, the cow will dri up
65. dont mind, it dont matter [bout aej] (Mark Twaen)
66. dont no, admit it (Konfushus)
67. dont no histree, yu R duemed tu repeet it
68. dont no weer yer going, NE roed will du (Luis Koral)
69. dont no weer yer going, yu'll end up in the rong plaes (Yogi Berra)
if yu
70. dont no weer yu wanna go, no wind will blo yer wae (Seneka)
b. dontno wich harber tu hed for, no wind is good
70. dont no weer yu wanna go, yu'll end up elsweer (Lawrens J Peter)
71. dont no weer yu wanna go, yu mite not end up theer (Yogi Berra)
72. dont plan for self, yu will be part av sumwon elses plan
73. dont plant seeds, yu will chop weeds & thistels (Robert Ingersol)
74. dont program self, others will (Les Brown)
75. dont raes yer ies, yu thank yu R at the top (Tony Porchia)
76. dont regret the dum thangs yu did, yer dum (Katherine Hepbern)
77. dont rest, yu wont last (Ovid, 0 ad)
78. dont run yer life, sumwon els will (Jon Atkinson)
79. dont talk bout him, him dont listen (Marlon Brando)
if yu
80. dont talk in tune with the up-&-kumming yunjsters,
em ridikule yu (Horas Walpole, 1770)
81. dont thank for small thangs, yu wont for big (Estonia)
82. dont thank politiks is a joke, yu R part av the problem (Jon J Chapman, 1890)
83. dont tri, yu dont lern
84. dont tri tu chaenj it, yu dont hav the rite tu kritze it
85. dont tri tu du gooder, yer dun fer (Ben Haydon, 1820)
86. dont wanna duit, NE exkuse is as good as anuther (Yiddish)
87. dont wanna werk, yu gotta werk til yu hav nuff munee
so yu dont hafta werk (Ogden Nash, 1940)
88. dont want kredit for it...amazing wot yukan du (HST)
89. dont want trubel, dont look for it
if yu
90. dont werk, yu dont eet
91. dont werk in the heet, yer out in the kold
92. dont yuze tu many werds, em hav power (Josh Billings)
93. dout self, yu R on shaky ground (Henree Ibsen)
94. du bad, at leest hav fun wile yu duit (Leo Rosten, 1950)
95 du nuthang, evil will triump (Ed Burk, 1750)
96. du the nonposabel, the boss will add it tu yer tu-du list (Doug Larsun)
b. add it tu yer regular dutees
97. du tunite wot yu will regret tumorro, sleep late (Henree Yungman)
98. du wot yu alwaes du, yu end up with wot yu alredee hav
99. du yer best, wot more is theer? (jenral Jorj Patton)
if yu
100. du yer best, yu dont fael (Orison marden, 1900)
100. dwell(liv) in the past tu much, yu mae luze site av the fyucher
101. end up with nest aeg or gues aeg depend on the chik yu wed
102. ever heer av a modest man, yu will admire him. (Edgar How, 1890)
103. explaen so kleer, nowon kan misunderstand, sumwon will
104. fael tu plan, yu plan tu fael
105. fael tu quesshun, yu ask for trubel (Paul Auluchon)
106. faes in the rite direkshun, yu just gotta keep going (Budda)
107. feed a starving dog, it wont bite yu.
this is the dif tween man & dog (Mark Twain)
108. first gotta konsider all objekshuns, yu will never start (Sam Jonsun)
109. follo reesun, it leed tu results not reesunabel (Sam Butler, 1650)
if yu
110. forget, yu dont undeerstand (Ed Forster, 1960)
111. get a good wife yu will be happy,
a bad won & yu bekum a filosofer (Sokrates, 410bc)
112. get bored, insult self (Jules Renard)
113. get over feer, yu kan duit (Betty Bender)
114. giv kongress a chans tu vote on both sides av an issue, it will (Les Aspin)
115. giv up liberty for temp safety, yu luze liberty & safety (Ben Franklin)
116. go fishing, yu shood tri tu katch fish (Leo Hubbard)
117. go rong wae, god let yu tern round (Sara Teedsdale)
118. go thru hell, keep going (Winston Churchil)
119. gotta lie tu be kind, yer sik (Aeschylus, 500bc)
if yu
120. gotu Amerika, bring food (Fran Lebowitz)
121. gotu store for 1 loef av bred,
the odds yu kum out with oenlee that is 3 bilyun tu 1 ginst (Erma Bombek)
122. had NE braens, yu wood be danjerus
123. hafta ask, dont
124. hafta ask the pries, yu kant afford it (looking at a yawt)
125. hafta be in a soep opra, get a better part (Boy Jorj)
126. hafta tell em yu R a lady, yu aent (Margaret Thatcher)
127. hafta werk b4 brakefast, eet brakefast first (Josh Billings)
128. hate storm & strife, dont wed
129. hav 1 milyun $ [1920 dollars] yu kan akt like yer rich (Jon J Astor, 1920)
if yu
130. hav a chans tu exkape, dont fite (Chineez)
131. hav a dreem, yu kant join a krowd. Yu gotta duit yer wae.
132. hav a long wae tu go, go slo (Filipino)
133. hav a open mind, folks thro theer trash init (evreewon thro trash init)
134. hav a trade, yu hav an estate (Ben Franklin)
135. hav a wi, yu kan take NE how (Fred Nietzsah)
136. hav demokrasee & a free press, it temper guvt (R W Emersun)
137. hav helth, yu hav hope. Wen yu hope, hu hav all (Arab)
138. hav intregrity, nuthang els matter (Alan Simpsen)
139. hav it, dont matter wot yu dont hav
if yu
140. hav it, yuze it or luze it, dont flaunt it
141. hav much, giv welth. If yu hav littel, giv self (Arab)
142. hav munee, yu R as free as yu kan get (Theodore Wite)
143. hav munee in yer pokket, yu R hansom, wise & kan sing good 2 (Yid)
144. hav nuthang tu sae, dont (Mark Twain)
145. hav time tu wine bout it, yu hav time tu fix it (Tony Angelo)
146. heel a man, his pers [bilfold or munee] is open tu yu(Robert Burton)
147. heer a vois inside yu sae "yu kant duit", duit (Vinsent van Go)
148. hide, dont lite a fire
149. ignore fakts, em wont go awae (Aldus Huxlee)
if yu
150. imajin it, yu kan duit. if yu dreem it, yu kan bekum it (Will A Ward)
151. insult, yu will get insulted (Plautus)
152. jump for joy, watch out nowon muve the ground from under yu (Stanislaw Lek)
153. kan be wiser than others, dont tell em
154. kan dreem it, yu kan duit (Walter Disnee)
155. kan du sumthang good, duit (Abe Linkoln)
156. if yu kan duit sitting, never duit standing
if yu kan duit laeing down, dont sit (Chineez)
157. kan fake sinseer, yu kan fake NE-thang (Holywood saeing)
158. kan keep yer hed wen all em around yu luze theers, yu dont understand the problem.
159. kan kount yer munee, yu dont hav 1 bilyun $ (J Paul Getty)
if yu
160. kan laff tugether, yu kan werk tugether (Robert Orben)
161. kan put it off til tumorro, yu kan put it off forever (Minon McLaughlin, 1960)
162. kan tern down an invite & dont need tu sae wi, yer free (Jules Renard)
163. kant banish danjer, banish feer (David Surnoff, 1960)
164. kant be a good zampel, be a horribel warning
165. kant be happy with 11,000,000$, sumthangs rong with yu (Jorj B Shaw)
166. kant be kind, be vaeg (Judith Manners)
167. kant be replaced, yu kant be promoted
168. kant beet em, arraenj for sumwon tu beet em up (Jorj Karlin)
169. kant beet em, join em
if yu
170. kant beet puter at chess, tri a sledjhammer
171. kant bite, dont sho teeth
172. kant blame sumwon its terrabel (Erika Jong)
173. kant brag bout wot yu no, brag that yu dont no (Ralf W Emersun)
174. kant chaenj fate, chaenj yer attitude (Amy Tan)
175. kant chaenj the quote, wot yuze is it? (Dokter hu)
176. kant chaenj yer mind, yu kant chaenj NE thang (Jorj B Shaw)
177. kant dazzel em with yer brilyans, baffel em with yer bullshit (W C Feelds)
178. kant drink it or hit it, ignore it (Irish)
179. kant du grate thangs, du small thangs with luv (mother Therisa)
if yu
180. kant feed 100, feed 1 (Mother Teresa)
181. kant find sumthang plesant, find sumthang nu (Voltaer)
182. kant fit it on 1 paej, it not werth reeding (Mark Adis)
183. kant fix it with dukt tape, yu didnt yuze nuff
184. kant fix it with dukt tape or oil, its a femael problem (Jasun Luv)
185. kant get em tu luv yu, make em feer yu (Nik machiavelli, 1500)
186. kant get rid av the skeletun in the kloset, teech it tu dans (Jorj B. Shaw)
187. kant go over, go around (or go under) (Ju)
188. kant imitate him, dont kopy him (Yogi Berra)
189. kant katch the bird av paradise, get a wet hen (Nikita Krushchev)
if yu
190. kant konvins em, konfuze em (HST)
191. kant laff at self, make fun av others (Bobby Slaeton)
192. kant lift it, dont eet it (Miss Piggee)
193. kant lik em, join em
194. kant liv without me, wi arent yu ded? (Sinthia Heimel)
195. kant make a mistake, yu kant make NE-thang
196. kant obae, yu kant kommand (Ben Franklin)
197. kant sae it in 10 minuts, rite a book insted
198. kant sae it in werds, yuze muzik (Gustav Maeler)
199. kant sae NE-thang nies, be vaej
if yu
200. kant sae sumthang nies, dont speek (Aesop, 600bc)
b. kant sae NE-thang nies dont sae NE-thang
201. kant sae NE-thang nies, dont se NE-thang, unless it bout mi x-hunband
202. kant sae sumthang nies, kum sit beside me & tell all (Elanor Roosevelt)
203. kant see the bottom, dont get in the water
204. kant sleep, get up & du sumthang (Dale Karnejee)
205. kant stand the heet, get outta the kitchen (HST)
206. kant take the bad, yu wont liv tu see the good (ju)
207. kant thank, quote (Dorthy L Saers)
208. kant thank av a good lie, stik tu the truth (Angela Thirkel)
209. kant tolerate small problems, yu kant be grate (Chineez)
if yu
210. karry a kat bi the tael, yu lern sumthang yu kant lern NE other wae (Mark Twaen)
211. kast yer net 2 wide, yu mae get snared
212. katch him yung nuff, yu kan make much av a skotman (Sam Jonsun, 1740)
213. keep sumthang long nuff, yu kan thro it awae
214. keep up with the sun, the dae is alwaes morning (Henree D Thoro)
215. keep yer hed wen all others luze theers, yu missed sumthang (Jeen Ker)
216. kik fakts out, em kum bak (Ralf W Emersun)
217. kik the won responsabel for yer trubels, yu wont sit for a month
218. kiss on the first date, theer wont be a 2nd date (Jennifer Lopez)
219. kri a river, bild a bridj & get over it
if yu
220. kum tu a fork in the roed, take it (Yogi Berra)
221. laed all ekonomists end-tu-end, em wont reech a konklude (Jorj Bernard Shaw)
222. laed all ekonomists end tu end, it wood be good (Peter Lynch)
223. laff, yu kant be all bad (Tom Karliel)
224. leed folks rite, hu wood dare be rong (Konfushus)
225. lern guvt English, hu wood yu speek tu? (Clarence Darro, 1920)
226. lie 1 time, from then on all thank yu lie all the time (Phaedrus, 0 ad)
227. like it, yer rich (Ben Franklin)
228. like self, yu kan tolerate others (Lao Wei)
229. like the won yu R alone with, yu kant be lonelee (Wayne Dier)
if yu
230. like wot yu du, it is eezee tu duit good (Orison Marden, 2000)
231. like wot yu du, yer happy (Johan Von Goethe, 1800)
232. line up all the kars in the werld, sumwon will tri tu pass
233. listen tu a star for info, yer a bigger moron than her (Alis Kueper)
234. listen tu the wikked, yu start down that path (Konfushus, 500bc)
235. liv full, yu dont feer deth (Anais Nin)
236. liv in a glas hous, anser the dor bell
237. liv in a glas hous, dont thro roks (Jorj Herbert, 1600)
238. liv in a kuntree run bi a kommittee, be on that kommittee (Grahm Summer)
239 liv long nuff, yer kids mae forgiv yu (Oskar Wild)
if yu
240. lone sumwon 20$ & never see him agin, it was werth it
241. look bak tu much, yu go the rong wae
242. luv justis, dont watch it being made (Otto Bismark)
243. luze it, its werth 2 times as much
244. make a gooder mous trap,
the werld will beet a path tu yer door (Ralf W Emersun, 1845)
245. make munee yer god, it will plage yu like the devil (Henree Feelding, 1750)
246. marry for munee, yu will pae for it (Sam Butler??, Ezra Bowen??)
247. mess up, fess up
248. morn past mischif, yu draw nu mischif (Shakespeer)
249. must konsider all objekshuns, yu will never start (Sam Jonsun)
b.must konsider all objekshuns, yu will never get NE-thang dun
if yu
250. must plae, first deside:
1. the rules, 2. the stakes, 3 wen tu quit (Chineez)
251. neglekt a small fault, it get big (Ben Franklin)
252. never chaenj yer mind, wi hav 1? (Ed DeBono)
253. never ran aground, yu aent ben NE-weer (navy talk)
254. never tri it, how du yuno yu dont like it?
255. no how rich yu R, yer not rich (Imelda Markos)
256. no wi, yu kan liv with how (Fred Nietzshe)
257. obae all ruels, yu miss all the fun (Kat Hepbern)
258. objekt wen the state steel yer propertee & murder yer famlee
yu R a re-akshunaree(W Churchil) [talking bout kommunism]
259. oe nuthang, yer rich (French) [no debt=rich]
if yu
260. oenlee du wot need be, milyuns will starv (Jorj Litenberg, 1780)
261. oenlee du wot yuno yu kan du, yu dont du much (Tom Kraus)
262. oenlee hav a hammer, evree prob look like a nael (Abe Erasmus)
263. pae him nuff, lawyer kan pruve the sun rise in the west
264. pae the piper, yu kall the tune
265 plae bi the rules, yu miss the fun
266 plae games, no 3 thangs at the start:
1. the rules, 2. the stakes, 3. wen tu stop (Chineez)
267. plae poker & dont see hu the sukker is, yer it
268. plae with kats, yu gotta spekt tu get skratched (Miguel Servantes, 1600)
269. plae with pigs sumwon will get dirtee
if yu
270. plae with trash it will get in yer ies
271. plan tu hav free time, yuze yer time good (Ben Franklin)
272. plan tu help, yu kan kritize (Abe Linkoln)
273. plant krab appels, dont spekt Delicious (Bill Meyer)
274. pretend tu like it wen others bore yu, yu will be popular (Karol Nulin)
275. promis tu freends & dont deliver, em bekum enemees (Ben Franklin)
276. put equalitee ahed av freedum, yu end up with neether (Milton Freedman)
277. R a doormat, others wipe theer feet on yu
278. R free, yu hav free time (Cicero, 50bc)
279. R in a hole, stop digging
if yu
280. R in debt, sumwon oen part av yu
281. R lonely wen alone, yu R in bad kumpanee (Jeen Sarter, 1970)
282. R not kontent inside, yu wont find it outside (Fran Rochefoukald, 1700)
283. R not part av the solution, yu are part av the problem
284. R paeshent, rongs kant hert yu (leonardo DaVinsee, 1490)
285. R paeshent, yu kan get wot yu want (Ben Franklin)
286. R rich, yu sin (Desiderius Erasmus, 1500)
287. R ruled bi mind, yu be king, if bi body, yu be slave (Kato, 200 bc)
288. R smart nuff tu ask the rite quesshun, xpert no the anser
289. R tu smart tu du politiks, yu R punished bi guvt av the dum (plato)
if yu
290. reech perfekshun, yu gotta die then & theer (Josh Billings, 1850)
291. reed sumthank yu kant figger out, almost garanteed a lawyer rote it (Will Rogers)
292. refuze tu partisapate in guvt, yu will be goverened bi infeereeers (Plato)
293. resolv tu mend later, yu dont duit now (Ben Franklin) [impli yu wont never]
294. respekt yer enemee, yu giv him an advantaej him not entiteled tu (Sam Jonsun, 1750)
295. rezist passhun, its kauz it iz week,
not kauz yu R strong (Fransis Rochefochauld, 1650)
296. sae "forward", yu gotta sae wich wae (Anton Chekov)
297 sae yuno quantum fiziks, yu dont understand (Neels Bohr, 1940)
298 see 4 waes sumthang kan go rong & find waes around 3, yu diskuver wae 5
299 see an onion ring, anser it
if yu
300 see kops beet up me, put down the kamra & help me (Bobkat Goldthwaet)
301 see onion ring, anser it
301. see the werld the same at 50 as at 20, yu waested 30 yeers
302. seed 1, yu seed all av em
303. seek trubel, yu kant miss
304. If yu shoot a mime, du yu hafta yuze a silensed gun?
305. sin, repent. Roll in the muck wont duit (Aldous Huxlee, 1930)
306. skatter thorns, don't go barefoot. (Italy)
307. skru yer hed on strate, yu wont hafta walk sidewise
308. sleep onit, many problems go awae wen yu awake (Jon Steinbek)
309. smile wen thangs go rong, yu plan tu blame sumwon
if yu
310. smoke, take yer but outside
310. spaes the kids apart, yu lern as yu raes kid 1
then yu kan make the opposit mistakes on kid 2 (Sidnee J Harris)
311. speek wen mad, yu will make the best speech yu will ever regret (Laurens Peter)
312. spekt chaenj tu be konfortabel, yu dont no histree (Jone W Skot)
313. spend less than yu get, yu hav the fillosafers stone (Ben Franklin)
314. spend werd for werd with me, me will bankrupt yer wit (Shakespeer, 2 men av Verona)
315. start, yu R half dun (Horaes)
316. steel, dont komplaen wen yu get robbed
317. suk on a tit, muvee is rated R.
if yu hak off the tit, its PG. (Jak Nicholsun)
318. suspekt a man, dont hire him. If yu hire him, dont suspekt him (Chineez)
319. take all students that fall asleep in klass
& lae em end-tu-end, em wood be kumfortabel
if yu
320. take the plunj, be shuer tu retern it bi tuesdae
321. talk tu littel, nowon get hert (Chauser, 1380)
322. talk tu self, sumwon mite listen (Frank P Jones)
323. tell a good tale, it bekum nonmortal (Mark Twain)
324. tell em Ben Franklin sed it, folks will aksept yer idea (David Komins)
325. tell the boss yu had a flat tire, next morn yu WILL hav a flat tire
326. tell the truth, yu dont hafta remember wot yu sed (Mark Twaen)
327. tern yer bak on the fires, yu bern yer bakside
& gotta sit on yer blisters (Abe Linkoln)
328. thank a rabbits foot is lukkee, thank wot it did for the rabbit (R E Shae)
329. thank bout it, yer sik (Jon VonGoethe)
if yu
330. thank life is werth living, yu will make it so (William James)
331. thank munee will du evreethang,
others will thank yu will du evreethang for munee (Ben Franklin)
332. thank nowon kare is yer alive, see wot happen if yu miss 1 kar paement (Erl Wilsun)
333. thank onit, yu luze it (Publilus Syrus, 100ad)
334. thank others kant liv without yu, yer deluded
335. thank skuelin kost a lot, konsider ignorans (Derik Bok)
336. thank yer boss is dum, remember yu woodnt hav a job if him was smart (Albert Grant)
337. thank yu kan or kant, yer rite (Henree Ford)
338. thank yu kan, yu kan. If yu thank yu kant, yer rite (Mary Kae)
339. thank yu R free, theers no xkape (Ram Das)
if yu
340 thank yu R wise, yer a fool (Charles K Kolton, 1820)
341. thank yu talk tu a bakward person yu mite consider faes em
342. thank, yu wont want all the thangs yu kant hav (Andre Maurois)
343. thot TV was lo klas, waet til next yeer (Art Buchwald, 1966)
344. thro wood on the fire av others werd fite,
dont komplaen if sparks fli in yer faes (Ben Franklin)
345. tri tu hide, dont lite a fire
346. tri tu not offend yer foe, yer a gonner (Deen Acheson)
347. valyue NE-thang more than freedum, yu will luze freedum (W S Maugam, 1910)
348. valyue yer priviledjes more than prinsapals, yu suen luze both (DD Eisenhower)
349. waet for forchun, yu R never shuer av next meel (Ben Franklin)
if yu
350. waet for opportunity, yer part av the krowd (Ed Bono)
351. waet til yu kan duit perfekt, yull never start (Kardinal J Numan, 1840)
352. wanna be happy, be (Leo Tolstoy)
353. wanna be happy, forget yer ideels (Jon O Hobbe)
354. wanna be thinner, eet less dinner (H S Leig)
355. wanna dans yu gotta pae the fiddler
356. wanna du sumthang els, its werk (James M Parree)
357. wanna eet in England, gotu Frans (W S Maugham, 1900)
358. wanna exsell, aem hi (Epictetus, 80ad)
359. wanna fael, tri tu pleez evreewon (Bill Krosby)
if yu
360. wanna get rich, save munee (Ben Franklin)
361. wanna get rich in 1 yeer, yu mae get hanged in 6 months (Italy)
362. wanna giv up the adorashun av manee for the kritize av 1,
get married (Kathern Hepbern)
363. wanna keep a sekret, keep it self [dont tell NE-1]
364. wanna klimb hi, start at the bottom
365. wanna kri, I'll be yer sholder
366. wanna leed, yu gotta tern yer bak on the krowd (James Krook)
367. wanna liv, yu gotta werk & dare (Visent van Go)
368. wanna make enemees, tri tu chaenj sumthang (Woodroe Wilsun)
369. wanna no, yu gotta lern how tu dout (Antoenet deShoulders)
if yu
370. wanna no the fyucher, study the past (Konfushus, 500bc)
371. wanna no the value av munee, tri tu borro sum (Ben Franklin)
372. wanna no wot god thank av munee, look at hu him gave it tu (Dorthy Parker)
373. wanna no wot woman meen, look & dont listen (Oskar Wild)
374. wanna no yer guvt, dont look at the Konstitushun, look at DC fone book
375. wanna ride, yu gotta no how tu fall (Mex)
376. wanna rule others, first master self (Filip Massinger, 1600)
377. wanna sae it with flowers, 1 rose sae "yer cheep" (Delta Burk)
378. wanna see a komik slip, see me in the shower (Groucho Marx)
379. wanna see the sun shine, yu gotta wether the storm (Frank Lane)
if yu
380. wanna test a mans character, giv him power (Abe Linkoln)
381. wanna understand tudae, look at yesterdae (Perl Buk)
382. want a dog tu kount sheep, get a sheep dog
383 want a freend, I'll be me
384. want a garantee, bi a toester (Klient Eestwood)
385. want a good fyucher, dont waest the present (Roger Babsun)
386. want a good servant, serv self (Ben Franklin)
387. want a good wife, wed a good dotter (Tom Fuller, 1650)
388 want a hug, I'm yer pillo
389. want a puppy, beg for a baby brother.
Em will settel for the puppy (Winston Pendelton)
if yu
390. want divine justis, die (Nik Seldon)
391. want good advies, ask old man (Romania)
392 want happy, I'm yer smile
393. want his reel pinyun, get him mad (at yu) (Oliver W Holms)
394. want hunee, dont kik over the beehive (Dale Karnege, 1920)
395. want it dun good, duit self (Napoleon Bonapart, 1800)
396. want it dun rite, duit self
397. want kids tu hav theer feet on the ground
put responsabilitee on theer sholders (Abigale Van Buren)
398. want kids with feet on the ground,
put responsabel on theer sholders (Abigal VanBuren)
399. want long life & sloe deth, get wed
if yu
400. want pees, avoid the pinpriks that leed tu kannon shot (Napoleon)
401. want pees, be redee for war
402. want perfekshun, dont look in a mirrer
403. want raenbo, gotta put up with raen
404. want sumthang tu tern up, start with yer sleev (Garth Henrich)
405. want tu be shuer nuthang get dun, sent it tu a kommittee
406. want tu be wise, ignore old sayings, like this 1
407. want tu du sumthang yu will be sorry for tumorro, sleep late
408. want tu fli sumdae, first stand, then walk, then klimb (Fred Nietzsh)
409. want tu go intu politiks, yu gotta get a toe-hold in the publik ie
if yu
410. want tu kill time, werk it tu deth (Sam Levonson)
411. want tu liv, yu liv longer (Lord Bryon)
412. want tu make enamees, tri tu chaenj sumthang (Woodroe Wilsun)
413. want tu sakrafies the admire av many
for the kritize av 1, get married (Kathrin Hepbern)
414. want tu test a mans character, giv him power (Abe Linkoln)
415. want tu understand sumthang, tri tu chaenj it (Kert Luwin)
416. want wise anser, ask reesunabel quesshun (Jon W Goeth, 1790)
417. want yer dreems tu kum true, dont sleep. (Yiddish)
b. dont oversleep
418. want yer wife tu listen tu wot yu sae, talk in yer sleep
419 was mi husband, I wood put poisen in yer koffee (Nansee Astor)
if yu
420. weer yer hart on yer sleev, its likely tu get hert
421. weree bout wot others thank av yu, yu dont thank much av self (Harold Haeden)
422. werk hard 8 hrs/dae, yu mae bekum boss & werk 12 hrs/dae (Robert Frost)
423. werk 16 hrs/dae at hard study,
wen yer 60 yu mae be as wise as yu thot yu was at 20 (Mary W Littel)
424. win, yer happy; if yu luze, yer wise.
425. wind up with a nest aej or a gues aej depend on the chik yu wed
426. wish yu was happeeer, yer not (Walter S Landor)
427. wont be kounseled, kant help yu (Ben Franklin)
428. wont rite it & sine it, dont sae it (Erl Wilsun)
429. wont sine yer name tuit, dont repeet it
if yu
430. yern for the good old daes, tern off the aer kondishuner (Grif Niblak)
431. if yuno how hard yu gotta werk tu bekum a master, yu wont kall it wunderful
(Michelangelo, 1520)
432. if yuno wi, yu kan liv with how (Fred Nietzshe)
881 ************. if yuth *********
1. if yuth hav noit [nawledj], if old aej had the strength (French)
882. ignore... [dont no nuthang] (ignorance, ignorant in krateez)
1. a littel lernin is danjerus, but ignorant is just as bad (Bob Edwards)
2. dont enthrone ignorant just kauz its so kommon (theer is so much av it)
3. evreewon is ignorant bout sum thangs (Will Rogers)
4. his ignorans is encyclopedik (Abba Eban)
5. if ignorant is blis, wi R theer not more happy folks?
6. ignorans or apathy? dont no & dont kare.
7. ignorans is blis...Tom Grae, 1747)
8. ignorant is happy (Aldous Huxlee)
9. ignorant is the foe av sivilizashun (Lemuel Washbern)
ignore
10. ignorant waest a lotta smarts (Saul Bello)
11. ignore em hu idolate yu, heed em hu point tu yer faults (Sokrated, 440 bc)
12. ignorraemus...dum & an asshole
13. in a republik, ignorant is a krime (Horaes Man)
14. kant argu with ignorant man (Will McAdu) [reesun & logik dont werk]
15. poverty hav many roots, taproot is ignorant (LBJ)
16. sum folks R wise, others otherwise (Tobias Smollet)
17. the ignorant R the most violent (Emma Goldman)
18. the more ignorant, the more violent (Emma Goldman)
19. the problem is not 2 many fools,
its that litening is not spred out rite (Mark Twaen)
ignore
20. the problem is the dum R shuer, the smart wons full av dout (Berstrand Russel)
21. the trubel is not wot folks dont no, it wot em no that aent so (Josh Billings)
22. theeree help us liv with our ignorans (Jorj Santayana, 1896)
23. tu dont no yu dont no...thats ignorant (A. B. Alkot)
24. wen I was 14, mi father was so ignorant I kook hardlee stand it
Wen I was 21, amazing how much him lerned in 7 yeers (Mark Twain)
25. wen it charm us, we kall it innosens, els ignorant (Mignon McLaughlin, 1966)
26. wotz the dif tween ignorant & apathy?...dont no & dont kare
27. yu kan swim all dae in the see av nawledj & kum out dri (Norm Juster)
883. i'll...
1. i'll be a munkees unkel
2. I'll meet yu last winter
884. ill got gains=bad got gaens=yer a krook
original="evil got gains", 1519
885. illiquid [yer water is sik]
886. illushun... ("illusion" in superkrat)
1. its not an illushun, it oenlee look like it (Fil Wite)
2. illushun=beleev pretty is good (Leo Tolstoy)
887. im
1. Im 15, I no evreethang
2. Im a bit under the wether tudae
3. im a marvelus hous keeper. Evreetime I leev a man, I keep the hous (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
4. im all eers
5. im getting noweer fast
6. Im gonna karry yu tu the bak av the wood shed
7. Im gonna kleen yer plow
8. Im gonna nok yu intu the middle av next week
9. Im gonna nail him
10. Im gonna wash that man rite outta mi haer
11. Im in a 9-line bind
12. im not a vegetarian, but eet animals that R (Groucho Marx)
13. im not dum. Im just full av yuzeless stuff (Kalvin)
14. im not just bloing smoke
15. im old & wise, thus evreethang I sae is a wise old saying
888. imajin... (imagination in krateez)
1. diskuvree...evreewon see it but dont (Albert Szent) [look at it but dont see it]
2. dont spekt originalitee from an ekko
3. imajin is more portant than noit (A Einstein)
4. imajin is stronger than nawledj (Robert Fulhum)
5. imajin is yer braen at plae (Jorj Scialabba)
6. imajin run fast, judjment walk slo
7. imajin the maker was a stand-up komik,
then the werld sortta make sens (H. L. Menchen)
8. imajinaeshun step in wen reelality dont
9. imajinaeshun without lernin=wings but no feet (Joe Joubert)
10. I seed an angel in the marbel & karved him free (michelangelo)
11. if yu imajin it, yu kan duit. if yu dreem it, yu kan bekum it (Will A Ward)
12. its not wot yu look at, its wot yu see (Henree D Thoro)
13. kant depent on yer ies wen yer imajinaeshun is outta fokus (Mark Twaen)
14. kreeativ...fresh look at wot yu take for granit (Jorj Keller)
15. most imajinativ fikshun tudae is on inkum tax reterns (Herman Wouk)
16. oenlee nonpossabel til em R not (Star Trek 2)
17. poor memree that oenlee werk bakward (Luis Karol)
18. the yung dont let fakts get in the wae av imajin (Sam Levensun)
889. imatashun...
1. is the most sinseer form av flatteree
2. is the most sinseer form av TV (Fred Allen)
890. impruev... (improve in krateez)
1. nowon need waet 1 moment b4 tri tu impruev the werld (Ann Frank)
890. in 1...
1. in 1 eer, out the other
2. in 1 fell swuep=sudden, fast, all at wons
891. in a...
1. Biz deel, the rich win, the poor luze
2. blind kingdum, a 1-ied man is king (Desiderus Erasmus)
3. elekshun the aer is full av speeches & vise versa (Henree Adams)
4. fine fettle...obsolete wae tu sae "thangs R grate"
5. interesting kondishun
6. kuens aej
7. nutshell=kompakt, konsise
8. pigsie
9. pikkel=problem, mess
10. quandree=dont no wich wae tu tern
11. rut
892. in f...
1. in for a penee, in for a $ (pound, 20 peso, 50 frank, 100 yen, 10,000 leer)
2. in god we trust, all others line up for fingerprints,
retna skan, body serch, shue serch
3. in god we trust, all others pae cash
4. in good times our freends no us,
in bad times we no our true freends (Churston Kollins)
5. in hot water=trubel
6. In kalm water evree ship hav a good kaptaen.
7. in kold blood=no emoshun, ruthless
8. in like a lion, out like a lamb...spring wether (or March)
sum thank if spring start bad, it will get better
9. in like Flin=eezee...from muvee akter Erl Flyn
10. in limbo=nowon wanna deside, in never-never land
11. in mi minds ie
in order to=krat gibberish (me dont du gibberish)
893. in p...
1. in politiks, dum is good (Napoleon)
2. in prosperitee, freends R plentee
in adversitee, not 1 in 20 (English)
894. in the...
1. bag =brass hint it will be appruved=no problem
2. buff=naked
3. doghous now=in disgraes, in trubel=wife mad at yu
4. duldrums=depressed, diskeraejed
5. fall av yer life="deklining" yeers=old
6. good old daes
7. kart
8. klink=jael, prisun
9. lap av the gods=fate, yu dont hav NE sae init
10. limelite=senter av tenshun
11. long run we R all ded (Jon M Keens)
12. offing=bout tu happen
13. pink=good helth (Shakespeer, Romeo & Julliet)
14. pipeline=on the wae, ordered
15. red =luze munee
16. spaes aej, the most portant spaes is tween the eers (Ann Armstrong)
17. twinkling av an ie=fast
895. in trubel
896. in war:resolute. In defeet:defi. In viktree:magnameenus. In pees:goodwill (Churchil)
897. in yer....
1. in yer dreems
2. in yer faes
898. in yueth we lern, in aej we understand (Maree Eschenban)
899. indian...
1. indian giver=giver want the gift bak (1765)
indians had different kulcher. Em did not giv a gift like Yerropeons.
Em trade, so if indian giv sumthang, him spekt yu tu giv him sumthang.
2. indian summer=in fall, after first kold spell, get hot spell=indian summer
indicate (krat gibberish, me dont du gibberish)
900. indite...
1. I dont no how tu indite the human raes (Ed Burk)
901. industree... (industry in krat)
1. industree...sloth make it hard, industree make all thangs eezee (Ben Franklin)
2. industree (werk) pae debts, despaer inkreez em (Ben Franklin)
3. industrializashun strip the werld bare like lokusts (Gandhi)
902. infinite paeshens bring results (Wayne Dier)
903. inferior:
1. dok sed mi inferiority komplex is nonadequate
903. inflate... (inflation in krateez)
1. 2 kan liv as cheep as 1, if 1 dont sho
2. best time tu bi sumthang is 1 yeer ago
3. bout all yu kan get for a nikkel now is heds or taels
4. boy at firewerks displae: weer's the kost-av-living skirokket?
5. fether pries inkreez...even down is up
6. flate rate... now 1 kant liv as cheep as 2
7. if a nikkel no wot it is werth, it wood feel like 2 sents
8. in the old daes, a man hu save munee was a miser. Now hes a wunder.
9. in the old daes, inflate was wot yu did tu a baloon or tire
inflate
10. inflate...a 10$ hairkut kost 15$ for wot kost 5$ wen I had haer (Sam Ewing)
11. inflate=
2 littel for 2 many for 2 much
a buk dont stop NE-weer
a drop in the buk
a stab in the buk
krisis in prieses
shot in arm that leev paen-in-nek
yer munee go half as far twies as fast
12. inflate is so bad the bakery chaenjed pupernikkel tu puperdime
13. inflate is so bad the Joneses kant keep up with self
14. inflate is taxes without law [legislashun] (Milton Freedman)
15. inflate is the biggest danjer tu our ekonomik helth (Bernard Baruch)
16. inflate raes evreethang sept hope
17. inflation dont ruin evreethang:
yu kan still yuze nikel as a skudriver (H Jaksun Brown)
18. inflation make yu liv in more expensiv naberhood & never muve
19. it take twies as much tu liv beyond mi meens now
inflate
20. its so bad, yu hafta werk like a dog tu liv like 1 (Jorj Gobel)
21. life must be werth living...pries dubeled & yet most hang in theer
22. littel tot: mommy went intu the super markup
23. nikkel aent werth a dime NE-more (Yogi Berra)
24. now an owns av prevent is oenly werth a half-pound av kyuer
25. now golfer gotta yell "ten" or "fifteen"
26. now it kost so much more tu liv beyond yer meens
27. now yu kan be broke with a wod av bills in yer pokket
28. oenlee good thang...boy kant get sik on 5-sent kandy bar
29. oenlee thang yu kan get for a nikkel is 5 pennees
inflate
30. pries go up so much, bargin-basement is on floor 3
31. tuff tu pae 7$/pound for meet; even tuffer at 3$
32. wen we was kids, 10 sents was big munee...how dimes hav chaenjed
33. wen yu almost make ends meet, sumwon muve the ends (Herbert Huver, 1930)
34. wot this kuntree need is a good 5-sent nikkel (Franklin P Adams)
35. yer kar is werth half as much but kost more tu fix it than yu paed for it
36. yu never had it so good or parted with it so fast (Max Hes)
904. informashun... (information in krateez)
1. info almost alwaes tern out tu be fawls,
misleeding, fiktishus...ded rong (Russel Baker)
2. info dont be noit, noit dont be wisdum, wisdum dont be truth
truth dont be byutee, byutee dont be luv (Frank Zappa)
905. inkum... (income in krateez)
1. 2 waes tu pae debt...more inkum, spend less (Tom Karliel, 1840)
2. all progres kum from the urj av all tu liv beyond his inkum (Sam Butler)
3. better tu hav inkum than be fasanating (Oskar Wild)
4. big inkum=best resapee for happy me ever herd av (Jane Austen)
5. despite volumus & fervent literachuer on
"inkum distribushun", it isnt, its erned (Tom Sowel)
6. elekshuns shood be on the dae after we pae inkum tax,
2 diskeraej kongres spend (Tom Sowell)
7. good manage is better than good inkum (Portugal)
8. hardest thang tu understand is the inkum tax (A Einstein)
9. I dont pae inkum tax, but now & then I send in a small chek
outta the goodness av mi hart (David Rokerfeller)[him hav bilyuns]
inkum
10. I liv so far beyond mi inkum, yu kan sae we liv apart (E E Kummings, 1940)
11. I wanna kill evreewon hu sae inkum tax polasees R faer (Will F Bukklee)
12. idiots R alwaes in faver av equal inkum (Jorj B Shaw)
13. inkum is natural & rashunal gage av respekt (Ambrose Beers)
14. inkum tax...how much did yu make last yeer? Send it in. (Stanton Delaplane)
15. inkum tax form is like laundree list, & yu luze yer shirt (Fred A Allen)
16. inkum tax made more kriminals than NE other akt av guvt (Barry Goldwater)
17. inkum tax make more liers in Amerika than golf (Will Rogers)
18. inkum tax refund is sekond most satisfiing tu get shot at & him miss (F J Raemond)
19. liv in yer inkum is a lost art (Jorj W Karver)
inkum
20. most imajinativ fikshun tudae is on inkum tax reterns (Herman Wouk)
21. oenlee thang that hert more than inkum tax is...no inkum (Tom R Dewar)
(???Don McLeod)
22. paen pae the inkum av preshus thangs (Shakespeer)
23. spend rise tu match inkum (C N Parkinson)
[for many, spend alwaes xseed inkum]
24. theers no inkum tax in Rusya, but theers no inkum, so em R even (Will Rogers, 1940)
25. true test av a man's onestee is his inkum tax retern (Arthur C Klark)
26. tudae it take more braens & effort tu fill out the tax retern than tu get the inkum
(Alfred E Nueman)
27. wen inkum tax reech 20%, nashunal respekt drop (Ronald Raegan)
at 25%, lawless go up
906. innovate...
1. innovashun is hard tu skedyuel (Dan Fylstra)
insane...see mad 1
907. insekt...
1. god made the fli & forgot tu tell us wi (Ogden Nash)
2. nu Jersee state bird=mosqueeto (Andy Warho)
3. we R kloeser tu ants than butterfli.
most prefer asshun tu leeshuer (Jerald Brenan)
4. wots a butterfli? Katapiller dressed up (Jon Grae)
908. inshuer ... (insure in krateez)
1. adjusters slogan...duit, then deni it
2. bold print giv, tiny print take awae
3. fite with inshuer adjuster is like ressel with pig in mud...him like it
4. inshuer ajent:if yu luze yer husband, wot will yu get?
woman: a poodel
5. inshuer is like maeraej...pae, pae, pae & never get NE-thang bak (Al Bundee)
6. inshuer kumpanee denied a klaem & sed
"yer an idiot & thats a pre-existing kondishun"
7. inshuer slogan...we insure yu from kradel tu grave
from womb tu tomb
from erekshun tu resurrekshun
8. wotz the dif tween the mafia and inshuer?
inshuer kumpanee kan tell how many will die this yeer, mafia no theer names
909. inshuer, tipe 2...statement made tu inshure kumpanees (bout akseedent)
1. a hedj sprang up & hid the kar I didnt see
2. a stop sine apeered weer no sine had ben b4. I koodnt stop.
3. a truk bakked thru windsheeld intu wife's faes
4. driving home, I terned intu the rong hous & hit a tree me dont hav
5. he didnt no wich wae tu run wen I hit him.
6. I drove 40 yeers, then fell asleep & had an akseedent
7. I hit a stashunary truk kumin the other wae
8. I saw a slo, sad-faesed old man as he bounsed off the roof av mi kar
9. I thot the windo was down, but wen I put mi hed thru it, it wasnt
10. I tried tu fli, but ran intu a fone pole
11. I was on the wae tu dokter with reer-end trubel. The universal gave out.
12. I was shuer the old man wood not make it kross the roed wen I hit him.
13. mi kar was legally parked as it bakked intu anuther kar.
14. nonseeabel kar kame outta noweer, hit mi kar, & disapeered
15. other kar hit mine withou signaling his intent
16. the fone pole approeched. I tried tu swerv, but hit the front end.
17. the kauz av the akseedent was small man in small kar with big mouth.
18. tu avoid hit the bumper av kar in front, I hit a walker insted.
19. wen I remuved mi hat, I found mi skull was broke
20. wen the kar left the roed, it throed me out.
later sum strae kows found me in a ditch.
910. insomnia... (instinct in krateez)
1. the kyuer for insomnia...get plenty av sleep (W C Feelds)
911. instinkt... (instinct in krateez)
1. akt first, reesun later (Nehru)
2. instinkt tell yu wot tudu long b4 yer hed kan get goin (Mike Burk)
3. trust self. Yuno more than yu thot (Benjamin Spok, 1977)
4. trust yer hunches (Joys Brothers)
5. trust yer instinkt. Yer mistakes R yers (Billee Wilder)
912. insult, part 1=skolar say...
1. 1 graesful taunt=1000 insults (Luis Nizer)
2. 1 insult leed tu anuther (Tom Jeffersun)
3. a gentelman will not insult me
if not a gentelman, him kant insult me (Fred Douglas)
4. Aksept insult leed tu hert (Yiddish)
5. Amerikans dont understand kalkulated insult & thank it rude (Paul Galliko)
6. best anser tu insult is silens
7. better tu ignore insult (Seneka)
8. biggest insult tu dog is sae him be almost human (Jon Holmes)
9. Church sae luv is a sin
korts sae sex is forbid
dokters sae both insult
filosofers hav no time for NE av this...(Karl Kraus)
insult 1
10. deseev, but dont insult (Jap)
11. envee insult self (Yev Yevtushenko)
12. even rabbit insult ded lion (Latin)
13. first man tu thro insult insted av rok, started sivilizashun (Sigmund Froid)
14. husband shood not insult wife in publik. Duit at home (James Thurber)
15. ie kan insult like hissing & kikking (Ralf W Emersun)
16. if yu get bored, insult self (Jules Renard)
17. if yu insult, yu will be 2 (Plautus)
18. if yu kant ignore insult, top it
if yu kant top it, laff it off
if yu kant, yu dezerv it (J R Lines, 1940)
19. irony is insult disgized as komplament (Edwin Wippel)
insult 1
20. it is an insult tu sae we R hostile
tu the guvt we made for us bi us with us (Jon Adams)
21. muzik with food is insult tu muzik & kook (G K Chesterton)
22. never insult sumwon bi akseedent (Robert Heimlein)
23. oenlee kowards insult the majestee av deth (Aesop)
24. oenlee wae tu handel an insult is ignore it.
if yu kant, top it.
if yu kant, laff at it.
if yu kant, yu dezerv it. (J Russel Lynes)
25. popular is 1 insult I hav not had (Oskar Wild)
26. prudent man overlook insult (Bibel)
27. royaltee in NE form is insult tu humankind (Mark Twaen)
28. sae wot yu will bout the guvt, but dont insult the kuntree (Ed Abbee)
29. sharp tung dont meen sharp mind (Voltaer)
insult 1
30. stiff apology is insult 2 (G K Chestertun)
31. tu insult em, quote em (Amanda Kros)
32. tu insult sumwon, yu kall him "beest"
bigger insult tu kall him "human" (Iasik Asimov)
33. wot tu du wen em add insult tu hert (Phaedrus av Masedon, c. 300bc)
34. yu dont hafta take an insult (Jon vonGoeth)
35. yu forget herts faster than insult (Chesterfeeld)
36. yu kan deseev, but dont insult (Jap)
913. insult, part 2=zampels... (example in krateez)
1. 2-buttom mous giv him 2 many opshuns
2. 2 bad dum dont hert
3. 2 heds R better than 1. In yer kase, 1 wood be better than 0.
4. 3 Judases, eech 3 times as bad as Judas (Shakespeer, Richard 2)
5. 400$ suit on him is like sox on a rooster (Erl Long)
6. a body that wont quit & a braen that wont start
7. a book tu kill time, for em hu like it ded (Rose Macaulae)
8. a dork is a dork is a dork (Judy Markee)
9. a freend av yers...is no freend av me
insult 2
10. a thot krossed yer mind? must hav ben a long, lonelee trip.
10. a trellis for verikose vanes (Wilsun Mizner)
11. add insult tu hert (stomp on sumwon wen him down)
12. akt yer aej...senile
13. all inside him kondem him for be him (Shakespeer, McBeth)
14. all the virchues I hate, nun av the vieses I like (W Churchil)
15. alone...in bad kumpanee
16. are yu alwaes this dum, or is tudae speshal?
17. as a luneee, wot du yu thank av humans?
18. as an outsider, wot du yu thank av humans?
19. as brite as midnite
insult 2
20. as good as his werd...no good (Seemus MacManus)
21. as grate as a man without morals (Alex Tokquevil)
22. as welkum as rattelsnake at square dans
23. as yuzeless as rubber lips on a woodpekker (Erl Pit)
24. at his best, he is less than a man (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venis)
25. b4 yu kame, we was hungree, now weer fed up
26. bankrupt prodigal, dont dare sho his faes (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venis)
27. based on "wot yu dont no kant hert yu", nuthang kan hert him
28. ben on more laps than a napkin (Walter Winchel)
29. better than a poke in the ie with a sharp stik
insult 2
30. bilt like a brik shithous
31. boss ride me harder than a rented mule
32. braen av fethers & hart av led (Alex Pope)
33. braens arent evreethang, in yer kase theer nuthang
34. butter dont melt in her mouth (Jonathon Swith)
35. chatter more than a dangeled magpie
36. dark & handsum...if its dark nuff, hes handsum
37. deth wood impruev him (H H Munro)
38. did the mad-hous test 2 many drugs on yu tudae?
39. did yer parents hav NE kids that lived?
insult 2
40. did yu get up on the rong side av the kaej this morn?
41. die a beggar (Shakespeer, Antony & kleo)
42. dont be ignorant all yer life, take a dae off now & then
42. dont breeth on me, yu kerdel mi skin
43. dont feel bad, theer R others with yer lak av talent
44. dont get mad at mother naechuer, dispite wot her did tu yu
45. dont let yer braens gotu yer hed
46. dont let yer mind wander, it 2 small tu go out alone
47. dont no if tu skratch his watch or wind his butt
48. dont no shit from penut butter
49. dont no the meening av feer...in fakt, dont no the meening av NE werds
insult 2
50. dont point that beard at me, it mite go off (Grocho Marx)
51. dont tern the other cheek, its just as uglee
52. dont thank, mite spraen yer braen
53. dont thank, yer braens mite fall out
54. dont tri tu teech a pig tu sing...waest yer time & annoi the pig
55. dont yu need a guvt lisens tu be that uglee?
b. dont yu need an uglee lisens?
56. drunk is his best virchu. Him sleep it off so much,
littel time tu hert others (Shakespeer, alls good that end good)
57. du yu hafta go so suen? I was gonna poison yer drink
58. dum as a post (dum as a stump)
59. dummer than a box av roks
insult 2
60. Dustin Fornum: "I had the audiens glued tu theer seets"
Oliver Herford:"how klever av yu tu thank av that"
61. eezeeer tu kount the briks left than the missing briks
61. envee insult self
62. even a blind hog find an akorn now & then
63. even Herkulees koodnt nok out his braen, kauz him dont hav a braen (Shakespeer)
64. evree girl hav the rite tu be uglee, but yu abuse the privleej
65. faelyer gotu his hed (Wilson Mizner)
66. first in his famlee tu be born without a tael
67. for 2 sents I'd giv yu a pees av mi mind...and all av yers
68. get yer mind outta the gutter, it blok mi vyu
69. go and fill a different room in hell (Shakespeer, richard 2)
insult 2
70. god and man hate such a foul lier (Shakespeer, Richard 2)
71. got a terribel emptee feeling? in yer hed?
72. got more chins than the Hong Kong fone book
73. good freend stab yu in the front insted av the bak (Lenord Levinson)
74. gratest insult tu dog is tu sae it is almost human (Jon Holms)
75. had dubel chins tu his belly (Grocho Marx)
76. half wit gave yu a pees av his mind, & yu keeped it
77. hang, beg, starv, die in the street (Shakespeer, Romeo & Juliet)
78. harder than woodpekker lips
79. hav the braen av a Kliedsdale (David Letterman)
insult 2
80. he deprive sum villaej av its idiot
81. he exsel his brother as a koward
even tho brother is reputed the best theer is (Shakespeer)
82. he make a July dae as short as Desember (Shakespeer)
83. he must hav killed a lotta men tu hav so much munee (Molier)
84. he named a street aft her kauz her is hard,
kold, krakked, & get plowed round Christmas.
85. he sat on the fens so long the rust soeked intu his sole (David L Jorj)
86. he was 1 av the niesest old ladees I ever met (Will Faukner)
87. he wood be beyond his depth in a puddel
88. he'd make a luvlee koerps (Charles Dikkens)
89. he's a self-made man hu worship his maker (Jon Brite)
insult 2
90. he's a man av wax (Shakespeer, romeo & Juliet)
91. he's from Keervil, weer mem R men, and the goets R skared
92. he's heer for a hart
is him on the list tu get 1?
93. he's not dum, he's host tu retarded goests
94. he's so dens, lite bend round his hed
95. he's so small, hes a waest av skin (Fred Allen)
96. heer not, stir not, muve not...must be ded (Shakespeer, Romeo & Juliet)
97. her added so much tu her luvlee figger (Bob Foss)
b. her added so much tu wot was wons a figger
98. her benefits R gross misplaesed (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
99. her faes is her chaperone (Rupert Hues)
insult 2
100. her faes sour ripe grapes (Shakespeer)
101. her get her klothes at Duluth tent & awnings
102. her got her good looks from her father...a plastik sergen (Grocho Marx)
103. her hat never go outta stile...redikulus yeer aft yeer (Fred Allen)
104. her hav the anser tu evreethang & solushun tu nuthang (Oskar Levant)
105. her looked like pored intu her klothes & forgot tu sae wen (P G Wodehous)
106. her most charming moment was wen her died (Terens)
107. her oenlee flaer is her nose (Pauleen Kael)
108. her speek, yet sae nuthang (Shakespeer, Romeo & Juliet)
109. her speek 8 tungs & kant sae "no" in NE av em (Dorthy Parker)
insult 2
110. her tried a braen-storm & got a drizzel
111. hi, I'm human, wot R yu?
112. him bore god (Vikter Hugo)
113. him dont begrudj em him rong (Simone Signoret)
114. him du the werk av 3 men...Larry, Kerlee, & Moe
115. him hav delushuns av adequat (Walter Ker)
116. him hav mekanikal mind, but forgot tu wind up his braen this morn
117. him is so short, wen it raen, him is alwaes the last tu no
118. him kant hit sand if him fall off a kamel
119. him kum from a reel-estate line...a vaekent lot
insult 2
120. him look like idiot, talk like idiot.
Dont be fooled...him reelee be idiot (Grocho Marx)
121. him make a very hansum koerps (Oliver Goldsmith)
122. him reeched rok-bottom, then started tu dig
123. him speek an infinit lot av nuthang (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venis)
124. his braen is as dri as a kraker krumb
after long see trip (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
125. his daddy must be his grandaddy 2
126. his freends hate him (Oskar Wild)
127. his kiss is Judas's kids (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
128. his mem follo him...outta morbid kerrositee
129. his mind is so open, ideas pass thru without pauz (F H Bradlee)
insult 2
130. his tung drip poison (Jon Quinsee Adams)
131. horrabel site unfix mi haer & mi hart nok mi ribs (Shakespeer, McBeth)
132. hous is so dirty, yu hafta wipe yer feet b4 yu go outside
133. how did yu get out? sumwon leev the kaej door open?
134. how many times did yer parents tri tu get yu tu run awae?
135. huever told yu tu be self, need his hed xamined
136. I dont remember yer name, & pleez dont tell me
137. I dont wanna make a munkee outta yu...wi shood me take the kredit?
138. I had a wunderful time, but this wasnt it (Groucho Marx)
139. I hav the hiest pinyun av him...hes a dirty littel beest (W S Gilbert)
insult 2
140. I heer yer brother was an oenlee kid
140. I heer yer konnekted tu the kops...bi handkufs
141. I kant forget wen we first met, no matter how hard I tri
142. I like yer approech, now lets see yu go
143. I'm bizee. kan I ignore yu sum other time?
144. I never forget a faes, but in yer kase I'll make a sepshun (Grocho Marx)
145. I no rok Hudson is homo...him did not fall for me (Gina Lolobrigida)
146. I no rotting bodees more apeeling than yu
147. I now beleev in reinkarnashun...nowon kood get so dum in 1 lifetime
148. I rather [prefer tu] wed a deth's hed
with a bone in the mouth (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venus)
149. I remember wen yu oenlee had 1 belly
insult 2
150. I retern this tiping paper tu yu.
sumwon printed gibberish all over it & put yer name onit.
151. I saw the man tudae, if man him be (Shakespeer, alls good that end good)
152. I seed rotting bodys prettier than yu
153. I seeked a fool & found yu (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
154. I thot bout yu tudae, wile I was at the zu
155. I will never forget the first time we met, no matter how hard I tri.
156. I will see yu in mi dreems, if I hav a nitemare
157. I wood insult yu, but yer not smart nuff tu notis
b. i wanna insult yu, but yu dont notis
158. I wood like tu giv yu a going-awae present, but yu gotta du yer part first
159. I wood like tu go out with yu, but mi favorit kommershal in on TV now
insult 2
160. I wood like tu help yu out...wich wae did yu kum in?
160. I wood like tu leev yu with 1 thot, but yu dont hav room tu hold it
161. I wont insult yer smarts bi impli yu beleev wot yu sae (Will F Buklee)
162. if braens was dinomite, him dont hav nuff tu blo his nose
163. if braens was raen, yu wood be the Sahara des-ert
164. if her was kast as Godiva, the hoers wood steel the sho
165. if I sed NE-thang tu make yu mad, Im glad
166. if I want NE shit outta yu, I'll squeez yer hed
167. if I want yer pinyun, I'll beet it outta yu
168. if it look like I giv a dam, tell me...I dont wanna giv fawls impresshun
169. if shit is muzik, yer the brass band
insult 2
170. if yer braen was choklut, it woodnt fill 1 M&M
171. if yer gonna be a terd, go lae in the yard
172. if yu akt like an ass, sumwon will ride yu
173. if yu did sum sole-serching, yu mite find 1
174. if yu giv him a penee for his thots, yu get bak chaenj
174. if yu tried tu speek yer mind, yu wood be speechless
175. ignorant kan be kyuered, dum if forever
176. IQ av a post (Tom Waet)
177. IQ av lint
178. if yu insult, yu will get insulted (Plautus)
179. in yer kase, I faver aborshun for insest
insult 2
180. irony is insult in the form av a komplament (Edwin Wippel)
181. is it yer job tu spred ignorans?
182. is that a bad Elvis pout, or was him born that wae? (Fred Merree)
183. is that a beard or a muskrat?(Dr Gonzo)
184. is that yer nose, or a banana?
185. is yer vagina in the NYS gidebook?
its the hottest spot in town & alwaes open.
186. it is eezee tu get attenshun bi du sumthang badder than NE-1 ever did b4
187. kan sit on a pees av paper & his feet dangel
188. kant dans & 2 windee tu stak bb's
189. kant fall outta boet & hit water
insult 2
190. kant find his ass with both hands
190. kant find his but with both hands and a flashlite
191. kant kyuer dumness
192. keep talking...sumdae yu'll sae sumthang
193. keep talking, I alwaes yawn like this
194. kind av man hu pik his freends tu peeses (Mae West)
195. kloesest her get tu braenstorm iz a lite sprinkel
196. kreem rise tu the top, skum 2
197. last time I seed sumwon like yu, I had tu pae tu get in
198. lets be better strangers (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
199. lets plae hoers. I'll be the front & yu be self
insult 2
200. like a blind man in a dark room lookin gor a blak kat
201. like a lues mule in the korn patch
202. like Tako-bell...wen sumwon see her, him run for the border
202. living proof man kan liv without braen
203. loer than a snake's belly in a wagon rut
204. look like an envelope without address (Mark Twaen)
205. look like Venus...no teeth, wite spots, yello skin (Heinrich Heine)
206. look like yu was drawed thru a not-hole bakwards
207. lost in thot...unfameelyer plaes
208. make sumwn happy, go awae
209. meetee quesshun dezerv meetee anser...baloenee
insult 2
210. mind like a steel trap...alwaes klosed
211. modest persun with much tu be modest bout (W Churchil)
212. moonlite bekum yu, total dark is even gooder
213. most effektiv anser tu an insult is silens
213. must be smart...braen never yuzed
214. [Lady Nansee Aster tu Winston Churchil]
NA:If yu was mi husband, I wood put poisen in yer koffee
WC:If I was, I wood drink it
215. naecher gave her a waxed mustash (Alan Bennet)
216. NE similiarity tween yu & human is a koinsidens
216. NE sloer & yu wood be in revers
217. nee hi tu a nat
218. normally he's mad, but sumtimes hes oenlee dum (Heinrich Heine)
219. not the britest bulb on the Kristmas tree
insult 2
220. nowon will no yu had a lobotomee if yu hide the skar
221. oenlee jeenyus with iq=60 (Gore Vidal bout Andy Warhol)
222. oenlee thang him brot tu werk is his kar.
223. pleez, go hang self (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venis)
224. pleez god, put him in his grave now (Shakespeer, Richard 2)
225. prae, stand farther awae (Shakespeer, Antony & Kleo)
226. proof man kan liv without braen
227. prudent man overlook insult (Bibel)
228. R yu alwaes this dum? or is tudae speshal?
229. R yu braen ded?
insult 2
230. royaltee in NE form is an insult tu humans (Mark Twaen)
231. running-shits av the mouth, konstipashun av the braen
232. sadistik, hippofilik nekrofile & a ded hoers 2 (Woody Allen)
233. sharp as the leeding edj av a basketball
234. sharp tung dont meen sharp mind
235. she is a peekok without byutee (Oskar Wild)
236. she is like traen traks...ben laed evreeweer
237. she is so uglee, her made the frate traen jump the traks
238. she is the antidote tu dezire (Will Kongreev, 1925)
239. she klimbed the ladder av sukses rong-bi-rong (Mae West)
insult 2
240. she never let an idea interrupt her talk (Jeen Webster)
241. she was a sinking ship & fired at her reskuers (Alex Wollkot)
242. sins oppasits attrakt, look for sumwon good looking & smart.
243. sins yer braen has never ben yuzed, wi dont yu donate it tu sumwon?
244. sit down & giv yer mind a rest
245. slander is like a hornet.
If yu dont hit it the first time, dont tri agin. (Henree Shaw)
246. so boring, even the grave yawn for him (Herbert Tree)
247. so dull, him make others dull (Sam Jonsun)
248. so dull, kant kut melted butter with a nife
249. so dum, his lips muve wen him watch TV
insult 2
250. so dum, yu got hit bi a parked kar
250. so fat, take 2 dogs tu bark at her
251. so narro-minded, her eer-rings klank tugether (Jon Kantu)
252. so narro-minded, him look thru 1 keehole with both ies (Molly Ivins)
253. so short, he kan sit on the floor & dangel his feet
254. so skinny, he kan stand under the klothesline in the raen & dont get wet
255. so stubborn, her argue with the fens post
256. so uglee, robbers gave him theer masks
257. so uglee, she kood make a mule bak awae (Will Rogers)
258. so uglee, she wood make a frate traen run off the traks
259. so yu wood go tu the ends av the erth for me...but wood yu stae theer?
insult 2
260. spaes is danjerus, xtra so tween the eers
261. started at the bottom & all downhill sins
262. sum folks R wise, sum otherwise (Tolias G Smolet)
263. sum make all happy weer em go, others wen em go (Oskar Wild)
264. sum R has-bens, yu R never-was
265. sum R like slinkees...good for nuthang, but fun tu see em tumbel down the staers.
266. sum sae yer not fit tu sleep with pigs. I sae that insult pigs.
267. sum sae yu R a perfekt idiot, but yer not perfekt
268. sum speek theer minds kauz em hav nuthang tu luze
269. sumdae Karl's halo will slip & choke him (Allan Wells)
insult 2
270. sumdae yu will find self, & regret it
271. sumwon sed yer not fit tu sleep with pigs. I stuk up for yu & sed yu R so.
272. sumwon took yer pik. Didnt kum out good, we kan stil reknize yu.
273. take off that mask, its not halloween
274. talk is cheep & yu tu
275. thank is not yer strong suit iz it?
276. thank wot it will be like in yer 70's
yer looking forward tu yer next birthdae?
277. that boy kame from the dri end av the jeen pool
278. the oenlee plaes yu get invited tu is outside
278. toss bred krums tu helikopters
279. travel broden. Yu must hav ben round the werld.
insult 2
280. tri tu like mother naecher, dispite wot her did tu yu
281. truth is straenjer than fikshun...yu must be truth
282. tu go out with yu, I'd hafta get a tetnus shot first
283. tu kall yu dum wood be tu insult morons and idiots
b. wood insult reel dummeees
284. twinkel in his ie is the sun shine thru the hole in his hed
285. twisted, kold, sharp (Kate O'Brien)
286. uglee, venonmus toed (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
287. up tu now, I had tu pae tu get in tu see sumthang like yu
288. villun with smile, rotten in the hart (Shakespeer, Merchant av Venis)
289. we all spring from apes. Yu didnt spring far nuff
insult 2
290. we dont komplaen bout yer short kummings, its the long stae thats bad.
291. wen em passed out braens, yu thot em sed traens
292. wen folks see yu, em klap theer hands over ies & eers
293. wen I look intu yer ies, I see the bak insides av yer hed
294. wen I saw yu, I desided aborshun will kyuer yer insest
295. wen the going got weerd, him terned pro
296. wen yu die, i wood gotu the fyunral, but i'll be bizee
257. wen yu fell outta the uglee tree, yu skraped ginst evree branch on the wae down
258. went over like a terd in the punch bowl
299. woodnt be happy as a taester in a pie faktree
insult 2
300. wot him lak in smarts, him make up in dum
301. wot koler is the ski on yer werld?
302. wot shood I kall yu wen yu R a man? (Shakespeer, as yu like it)
303. wotever eet yu...must suffer bad
304. wotz the latests dope, sides yud
305. xseelent time tu run awae
306. yer as strong as an ox, & almost as smart
307. yer braen must be like nu, sins yu never yuze it
308. yer ends meet...foot in mouth
309. yer infeeroritee komplex is justified
insult 2
310. yer mind is more than twisted, its spraened
311. yer mouth is 2 big for yer muzzel
312. yer nobody's fool...& weer is nobody wen I need him?
313. yer not a perfekt idiot yet, keep triing
314. yer not a vulcher, yer sumthang a vulcher wood eet
315. yer not obnoxyus like others, yu hav yer speshal tipe av obnoxyus
316. yer not outspoken, kauz nowon kan get a werd in edjwise
317. yer oenlee purpus in life is tu be a warning tu others
318. yer so dum, yu sit on the TV & watch the kouch
319. yer so dum, yu thot Taco Bell is the nu ma Bell
insult 2
320. yer so dum, yu trip over the kord tu yer sell fone
321. yer so lo, yu kan milk a snake
322. yer so uglee, blind kids kri
323. yer so uglee, wen yu went tu the haunted hous, evreewon ran awae
324. yer so uglee, yu look like yer mother
325. yer teeth R like stars...em kum out at nite
326. yer the poster kid for birth kontrol
327. yu dont swet all that much...for a fatzo
328. yu get on the oenlee nerv me hav left
329. yu hav a faes...even yer mother hate yu
insult 2
330. yu hav a speech problem...yer foot
331. yu hav a striking faes ...how many times did em hit yu theer?
332. yu hav yer eer tu the ground? Hows life in the gutter?
333. yu luze. (wowan sed tu Coolidge that her
bet a freend her kan make him sae 3 words tu her)
him repli "yu luze"
334. yu must hav liked the first 2 chins so much yu got more
335. yu must mistake me for sumwon hu giv a dam
336. yu R no longer belo mi komtempt
337. yu sekret blak midnite hags (Shakespeer, McBeth)
338. yu pruev how powerful sex drive kan be in a parent
339. yu sed yu wood giv yer life for me. promises, promises.
insult 2
340. yu was 16 b4 yu lerned how tu wave bi-bi
341. yu was made for men tu breeth on yu (Shakespeer, alls good that end good)
342. yu will go far if yu katch the rite traen
343. yu win men over with yer personality????
344. yu yuzed tu be aerogant & obnoxyus, now the oppasit
914. integrity...
1. bad mouth others is poor wae tu praes self (Will Durant)
2. be glad a mirrer oenlee sho the outside yu (Sam Butler)
3. character=du rite wen nowon watch (J C Watts)
4. character is eezeer tu keep than tu repaer (Tom Paen)
5. dont let yer morals prevent yu from du wotz rite (Isak Asimov)
6. I kant kontrol wot happen, so I kontrol self (Mike deMontaigne)
7. I tri tu du mi best evree dae(Abe Linkoln)
8. if yer good, thats dif nuff (Arthur Freed)
9. if yu hav intregrity, nuthang els matter (Alan Simpsen)
integrity
10. ignore ploitikal-korrektness, strive tu du rite (Tony d'Agelo)
11. in matters av prinsapels, stand like a rok (Tom Jeffersun)
12. konshens warn b4 it skold (Komtes Dian, 1908)
13. luv all, trust a fyu, rong nun (Shakespeer)
14. R rite & rong desided bi poplar pinyun? (Will L Garrison)
15. selfish...want others tu liv as yu tell em tu (Oskar Wild)
16. softest pillo...kleer konshens (French)
17. the rite tu duit...dont meen duit is rite (Will Safire)
18. weer oner & it last a life time
if klothes is yer oner, yu will suen be bare (Will Arnot)
19. wise=no wot tu du, virchu=duit (David Jordan)
integrity
20. yu kan run from others, but not from self
21. yu R the windo yu must see the werld thru (Jorj B Shaw)
| intelligent, intelligence, intellectual |
smarts |
915. interest...(verb)
1. it is not interesting if yer not interested (Helen Makinnes)
2. its not wot yuno that kount, its wot yu thank av at the time
916. internet...
1. elektronik villaej & all the villaej idiots get on (Peter Nelsun)
2. internet...sumthang yu yuze tu katch inter-bunnees
3. internet...yu get yer bills 2 times as fast (or in nanosekonds)
4. no wotz rong with the internet?...2 many idiots frolik in the serf.
5. sum yuze internet as substitute for reel life (andru Brown)
6. Web yuzers want tu get it fast & eezee.
Em dont kare bout prettee dezine (tim Berner-lee) [the "inventer" av the www]
917. intu eech life sum raen must fall (Longfello)
918. invent...
1. inventer beleev in sivilizashun (Ambrose Beers)
2. Thangs man invent dont sho him smart, it sho him lazy (Mark Kennedy)
919. invent...gratest invents
1. 1800's...raelroed+(telegraf & then the fone)
2. 1900's...jet aerplanes+kommunikashun satellites
920. invent...zampels av invents
1. adding masheen 1642 Pascal
1885 Burroes
2. aer brake 1868 Westinghous
3. aer kondishun 1911 Carrier
4. aer pump 1654 Guericke
5. aerplane (fli) 1903 Rite brothers (17 Des 1903)
automatik pilot 1912 Sperry
jet engin 1939 Ohain
waterplane 1911 Curtis
6. aership 1852 Giffard
dirigabel(rigid) 1900 Zeppelin
7. alfabet 2700 bc Egypt
8. anesthesia
ether 1540
medikal yuze 1842 Long US
9. ark welder 1919 thompson
invent zampel
10. aspartame 1965 Schlatter
11. astrolabe 150 bc Hipporchus (Greek)
12. audio kasset 1963 Phillips
13. autogyro 1920 de la Cierva
14. balloon 1783 Montgolifier
15. ballpoint pen 1888 Loud
16. barometer 1643 Torricelli
17. barbed wire 1875 Haisn
18. battery, recharj 1859 Plante
19. bell 1000 bc China
invent zampel
20. bifokal glasses 1780 Ben Franklin
21. bike 1885 Stanley
22. bomb, depth 1916 Tait
23. bottel masheen 1895 Owens
24. bunsen burner 1855 Bunsen
25. button 2800 bc India
26. Calculater 1833 Babbage
elek, pokket 1972 Merryman
27. camra (Kodak) 1888 Eestman
Polaroid 1948 Land
28. canal bout 4000 bc, mesopotania
29. cannon bout 1000 China
invent zampel
30. chopstiks 2000bc China
31. deesel engin 1895 Deesel
32. dinamite 1866 Nobel
33. dinamo 1871 Gram
34. draen ditch 3100bc India
35. elektrik battery 1800 Volta
36. elektrik fan 1882 Wheeler
37. elektrik generater 1929 Van de Graf
38. elektrik stove 1896 Hadawae
39. elektrokardiograf 1929 Einthoven
invent zampel
40. elektromagnet 1824 Surgeonen
41. elektro spektrum 1944 Deutsch
42. elektron tube 1913 Langmuir
43. elektroplate 1805 Brugnatelli
44. elevater, push but 1922 Larson
45. engin,deesel 1883 Daimer
elek ignite 1883 Benz
gas 1926 Eickemeyer
gasoleen 1872 Braeton
jet 1930 Whittel
steem 1705 Nukomb
Aeolipile=steem toy 50ad, Hero av Alexandria
46. fiberglas 1938 Owens-korning
47. fiber optiks 1955 Kapany
48. firearms (guns)
Arquebus 1400 Yerrop
musket bout 1450 Yerrop
rifel bout 1500 Yerrop
rifel, repeet 1860 Spenser US (yuzed magazine tu hold bullets)
minie "ball" 1860 US
49. flanged rael 1831 Stevens
fli...see aerplane
invent zampel
50. floppy disk 1970 IBM
51. fone (telefone) 1876 Bell, Alexander Graham
with kondenser 1916 Wente
52. fonograf 1877 Edisun
53. fotografee 1835 Talbot
54. freon 1930 Midglee
55. frozen food 1924 Birdsie
56. furnans, steel 1858 Siemens
57. galvanometer 1820 Sweigger
58. gas lite 1792 Murdok
59. gasoleen (kraked) 1913 Burton
hi oktane 1930 Ipatief
invent zampel
60. geiger kounter 1913 Geiger
61. glass 2500 bc Fonishia
bifokal glasses 1780 Ben Franklin
bloe glass 100 bc Syria
ie glasses bout 1280 Italy
laminated 1909 Benediktus
modern lens 1451 Nicholas
62. glider 1853 Caylee
63. greek fire 673 (a Greek in Syria)
64. gun, breech 1811 Thorton
browning 1897 Browning
magazine 1875 Hotchkins
silenser 1908 Maxim
65. gunpowder bout 850 China
66. gyroskope 1852 Foucault
67. helikopter 1939 Sikorski
68. hibrid korn 1917 Jones
69. hoers kollar 900 (Yerrop)
invent zampel
70. Integrated Serket 1959 Kiby
71. Ironklad ships
sum iron on ship 1415 Korea
top protekt 1576 Korea
hole ship 1861 Ericson US (the moniter)
72. Iron lung 1928 Drinker
73. kar, elektrik 1892 Morrison
gas moter 1882 Duryea
gas moter 1889 Daimer
auto transmis 1910 Fottinger
elektrik ignite 1883 Benz
geers 1885 Benz
karbureter 1893 Maybach
magneto 1897 Bosch
muffler 1904 Pope
starter 1911 Kettering
74. kar kupler 1873 Maybach
75. kart 3500 bc sumer
76. kash register 1879 Ritty
77. kat skan 1973 Hounsfeeld
78. katapult 400 bc Syracuse
79. kathode Rae tube 1878 Crooks
invent zampel
80. klok, pendulum 1657 Huygens
mekanikal 1176 Italy
spring power 1500 (yerrop)
water 1500 bc mesopotania
with geers 87 bc mesopotania
with hands bout 1300 (Yerrop)
81. koax kabel 1929 Affel
82. koin 600 bc Lydia
83. koke oven 1893 Hoffman
84. kompas 300 bc China
85. kompressed aer 1871 Ingersol
86. komputer 1944 Aiken
miniputer 1960 Digital Equip korp
mikroputer 1973 Truong
87. kontraseptiv pill 1954 Pincus
88. kotton jin 1793 Whitnee
89. krosboe 200 bc China
invent zampel
90. laeth, turret 1845 Fitch
91. lawn moer 1831 Budding
masheen 1822 Bailee
92. linoleum 1860 Walton
93. linotipe 1884 Mergenthaler
94. lite, elektrik 1879 Edisun
fluoressent 1938 GE
frosted 1924 Pipkin
merkree 1912 Hewit
miner safety 1816 Davy
neon 1909 Claud
95. litening rod 1752 Ben Franklin
96. lok, silender 1851 Yale
97. lokomotiv
elektrik 1851 Vail
experment 1802 Trevihik
praktikal 1829 Stefenson
first in US 1830 Cooper
98. loudspeeker 1924 Ries
99. Margarine (oleo) 1869 Mege
invent zampel
100. Masheen gun 1861 Gatling
nu versh 1872 Hotchkis
maxim 1883 Maxim
101. mason jar 1858 Mason
102. match, frikshun 1827 Walker, Jon
103. metal warship 1861 Ericson (the moniter)
104. mikrofone 1877 Berliner
105. mikroprosser 1971 Intel
106. mikroskope 1590 Jansen
elektronik 1931 Knoll
107. motor, ac 1892 Tesla
dc 1837 Davenport
indukshun 1887 Tesla
108. motorsikel 1885 Daimer
109. muvees 1894 Jenkins
invent zampel
110. nylon 1930 Carothers
111. odometer 200 bc Archimedes
112. paper 3000 bc Egypt
made from pulp 200 bc China
oldest paper 105 Cai Lun (China)
113. paper masheen 1809 Dikensun
114. parashute 1785 Blanchard
in 852ad in Kordoba a man jumped off tall bilding with a drag devise & lived
115. pen, ballpoint 1888 Loud
fountin 1884 Waterman
116. pendulum 1583 Galileo
117. piano 1709 Cristofori
118. pisto (revolver) 1836 Kolt
119. pik (picture)...see camra
koler 1892 Ives
invent zampel
120. plow 500 bc Egypt
moldbord 500 ad Skandanavia
iron blade 1400 Belgium
modern 1730 Rotherham (England)
121. printing...
muvabel press 1041 BiSheng China
with alfabet 1450 Gutenberg Germany
rotating press 1845 Hoe
122. propeller 1804 Stevens
123. punch kard 1889 Hollerith
124. radar 1940 Watson
125. radio 1895 Marconi
126. radio amplafier 1906 DeForest
127. radio beekon 1928 Donovan
128. radio diode 1905 Fleming
129. radio, fm 1933 Armstrong
invent zampel
130. radio, fone 1900 Poulsen
131. radio triode 1914 Alexanderson
132. rayon 1895 Cross
133. razer (safety) 1895 Gillett
134. reeper 1834 McCormik
135. refrigerater kar 1858 David
136. rekord (fonograf) 1887 Bell
wax silender 1888 Edisun
137. rifel, repeet 1860 Spenser
138. rite 3500 bc sumer
139. roed (man made) bout 3800 bc, England
invent zampel
140. rokket 1000 China (fire arro)
modern rokket 1700 England, Turkey
liquid rokket 1926 Goddard
141. rubber 1600 bc Sentral Amerika
vulkanize 1839 Goodyeer
142. rudder 3000 bc China
behind bote 100 China
143. safety pin 1849 Hunt
144. saw, band 1808 nuberry
serkel 1777 miller
145. sellofane 1908 Brandenberger
146. selluoid 1870 Hyatt
147. sement, portland 1824 Aspdin
148. serket braker 1925 Hilliard
149. shue so masheen 1860 McKae
invent zampel
150. shugar 500 bc India
151. skru 300 bc
152. sleeping kar 1865 Pullman
153. slide rule 1620 Outred
154. smokeless powder 1884 Vielle
155. soep 2800 bc mesopotania
156. soing masheen 1846 How
157. spektrograf 1859 Kirchof
158. spining Jennee 1764 Hargreevs
159. steel alloy 1891 Harvee
invent zampel
160. steel, staenless 1916 Brealev
161. steemboet
experiment 1778 Jouffroy
1785 Fitch
1803 Fulton
1804 Stevens
pratikal 1802 Symington
162. steemkar 1770 Cugnot
163. steemturbin 1884 Parsons
164. stethoskope 1819 Laennek
165. submarine 1891 Holland
166. tank (military) 191r Swinton
167. tape rekorder 1899 Poulsen
168. teflon 1938 Dupont
169. telegraf 1837 Morse
wireless 1895 Marconi
invent zampel
170. teleskope 1608 Lippeshee
1609 Galileo
astronomikal 1611 Kepler
171. teletipe 1928 Morkrum
172. thermometer 1593 Galileo
merkeree 1714 Farenhite
173. tipe, muevabel 1447 Gutenberg
174. tiperiter 1867 Sholes
175. tire with tube 1845 Thomson
176. toester, elektrik 1918 Strite
177. toilet, flush 1589 Harington
178. toilet paper... 1857, perforated on a roll=1867
179. torpedo 1776 Bushnel
invent zampel
180. trakter (krawler) 1904 Holt
181. transformer 1885 Stanlee
182. transister 1947 Shoklee
183. trollee kar 1884 Van dePoel
184. tungsten 1912 Coolidg
185. tupperware 1945 Tupper
186. turbin, gas 1849 Bourdin
steem 1884 Parsons
water 1849 Fransis
187. TV, mekanikal 1923 Baird
elektronik 1927 Farnswerth
koler 1928 Baird
188. vakyuum kleener 1907 Spangler
189. velkro 1948 deMestral
invent zampel
190. video game (pong) 1972 Bushnel
191. video plaer (vhs) 1975 Matsushita
192. video tape kasset 1969 Sony
193. washer, elektrik 1901 Fisher
194. watch, pokket 1462 Manfredi Italy
195. weel 4000 bc mesopotania
spinning weel 500 ???? China ????????
196. weelbarro 230 Zueg Liang (China)
197. windmill 700 Persya
198. windtunnel 1912 Eiffel
199. x-rae tube 1913 Coolidj
921. invest...
1. Bulls make munee, beers make munee, pigs get slottered
2. invest in reel estate, em dont make NE-more av it
3. never invest in NE-thang that eet or need paent (Henree Ford)
4. Oktober is 1 av the most danjerus months tu bi stoks
The others R July, January, September, April,
November, Mae, March, June, December, August & Feb (Mark Twaen)
5. Theer R 2 times man shood not spekulate...
wen him kant afford it, & wen him kan. (Mark Twain)
involve... krat gibberish
922. IQ ("intelligence quota")...
1. the IQ av a gruep is minimum individual iq/(number in the gruep)
2. wen a member av the hous muev tu the senut, he raes the IQ av both
(Everet Dirksen, Ill senuter, 1955)
923. iron...
1. iron fist=kompleet kontrol (1740)
2. iron kertin...Churchil in 1945 & speech in 1946
famus tu deskribe the Soviet empire
924. irony...
1. irony is insult in the form av a komplament (Edwin Wippel)
2. max irony...giv father billfold for Christmas
925. IRS (Internal Revennu Servis)
1. IRS man: I'm konfuzed
klerk : thats natural, yu werk for the guvt
2. IRS motto...we hav wot it take tu take wot yu hav
3. sorry, yu kant dedukt last yeer's taxes as a bad investment
926. is the pope Kathleek?
927. it aent...
1. it aent fit for man or beest (wether is verree bad)
2. it aent over til its over (Yogi Berra)
3. it aent over til the fat brod sing (the opera)
4. it aent wot em kall yu, its wot yu anser tu (W C Feelds)
(sum klaem this is from Bill Klinton)
928. it all kum out in the wash
929. it go...
1. It go against the grain
2. It go in 1 eer and out the other
930 it is (its) *************** it is ***************
1. a 2-dog nite
2. a bad wind that blo nowon good (based on sael ships that need wind)
3. a dirtee job, but sumwon gotta duit
4. a dog eet dog werld
5. a far kri
6. a hard werld. Oenlee eezee plaes is in a grave (Henree Beecher)
7. a katch 22 (mindless krat skru up)
8. a mirakel wen imajin survive guvt skulin (A. Einstein)
9. a pees av kake
it is
10. a reel humdinger
11. a ressesshun wen naber luze his job, depresshun wen yu luz yers
12. a sorree dog that dont wag its tael
13. all in the ie av the beholder
14. alwaes darlest b4 dawn, so if yu wanna steel nabers nuzpaper, duit then
15. alwaes darlest b4 sunup
16. as dark as a toom
17. as eezee as fall off a log
18. as kleer as the handriting on the wall
19. as kold as blue blazes
it is
20. better tu be safe than saree
21. better tu lite 1 kandel tan kers the dark
22. better tu luv & luze than tu luze alone
23. danjerus tu be rite wen the guvt is rong (Voltair)
24. darkest b4 the dawn
25. eezeeer for a kamel tu go thru the ie av a needel than for a rich man gotu heven
26. eezeeer tu hav oner wen yu hav munee
27. for the shepherd tu sheer the flok, not tu skin em. (Latin)
28. fun tudu the nonpossabel (Walt Disnee)
29. fun tu rite down splendid werds, like me invented em (Rupert Hart)
it is
30. it is generally beleeved that...I found 1 persun hu agree with me
31. gooder tu be enveed than piteed (Herodotus)
32. its Greek tu me (Shakespeer)=kompleet mistree, no klue, dont no
33. its not over til the fat brod sing (Dan Kook, 1976)
34. its not wot yu look at, its wot yu see (Henree D Thoro)
35. hard wen I hafta, eezee wen me wanna (Sondra Barns)
36. later than ever b4
37. later than yu thank
38. like open a kan av werms
39. mad tu trust a wolf (Shakespeer)
it is
40. more kumfortabel tu be mad (krazy) & noit, than tu be sane & dout it.
41. not fish til yu get it on land (Irish)
42. not if yu win or luse, it is how yu plae the game
43. not nuff tu aim.; you must hit. (italy)
44. not nuff tu hav a good mind. Portant tu yuze it good. (rene Dekartes)
45. not over til the fat brod sing
46. not the end av the werld
47. not true I had nuthang on. The radio was on (Marylin Monroe)
48. not werth the paper it was rited on
49. pee pikkin good
it is
50. portant folks no wot yu stand for, & wot yu wont stand for (Mary H Waldrip)
51. raening kats & dogs
52. raening on mi parade
53. so bad, I lost mi apathy
54. the grate north wind that made the Vikings. (Scandanavian)
55. the pits
56. tu littel tu late
57. tuff tu be poor, tuffer tu be in debt
58. wise tu look ahed, but hard tu look farther than yu kan see (Churchil)
59. wot yudu with yer life that kount (Millard Fuller)
931. it look best bi moonlite, yu see half with ies, half with fansee (Iran)
932. it never raen, but it pore
933. it roll off like water off a duks bak
934 *************** it take *****************
1. it take 1 tu no 1
2. it take 2 tu hert yu...an enemee tu slander yu & a freend tu tell yu (Mark Twain)
3. it take 2 tu tango
4. it take a big man tu admit him rong
bigger man tu shut up wen him rite.
5. it take a klever woman tu manage a fool (Rudyard Kipling)
6. it take a long time tu bekum an overnite sukses
7. it take a long time tu rite an impromptude speech (Mark Twain)
8. it take all sorts (D W Jerrold, 1844)
9. It take folks like yu tu make folks like me
10. It take paeshens tu appresheate wedded blis (Jorj Santayana)
935. it was the best av times, it was the baddest av times (Charles Dikens)
936. ************** it will ***********
1. It will jar yer memory like standing at South end av a North bound mule
2. It'll all kum out in the wash
3. It'll be a kold day in July
4. It'll be ok if the Lord's willing and the kreek dont rise
937. ivory tower=no konnekt tu reel live (1911)
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